The Life of Golda Meir


The Life of Golda Meir

Golda Meir…..Paulina Porizkova
General Dian…..Kevin Nealon
General #2…..Phil Hartman
General #3…..Bronson Pinchot
Protester…..Jon Lovitz

Announcer: NBC proudly presents.. “The Life of Golda Meir”.

Starring: Paulina Porizkova as Golda Meir.

Chapter IV: The War Years.

[ open on Golda Meir’s private bunker, where a buxom (obviously Porizkova simply playing herself) Golda Meir heads a meeting with her generals ]

Golda Meir: [ effeminately holding a cigarette in her right hand ] Gentlemen, we are under attack from two sides. Is this the end of Israel?

General Dian: I don’t know about that, Prime Minister Meir, but I’ll tell you one thing. You are an incredibly beautiful woman.

Golda Meir: [ smiling ] Thank you, General, that’s very kind. But, please, we must know.. how much time does the Army have to mobilize?

General #2: I can’t blame General Dian, Madame Prime Minister. We all know that Israel is in danger. But with you looking the way you do, it’s hard to think about the war. You’re an absolute knockout, you know that?

Golda Meir: Thank you, gentlemen, this is all very flattering, but, please, you must concentrate. Please?

General #3: Wait. I have an idea. Perhaps, Prime Minister, your, uh.. fantastic figure and gorgeous face could be used to help the war effort.

Golda Meir: [ interested, sits ] Go on.

General #3: Perhaps if you were to visit the front in, say, a revealing swimsuit, it might provide our soldiers with a much-needed moral life. [ turns ] What do you say, General Dian?

General Dian: Well, you know I’ll support any plan that’ll get Golda Meir into a revealing swimsuit.

General #3: Well, Madame Prime Minister?

Golda Meir: [ thinking, stands ] Get my leopard bikini ready. I’ll be leaving for the Golan Heights in an hour.

Announcer: [ over SUPER ] “This docu-drama, while based on actual events, includes some ficticious material. The character of Golda Meir is a composite, based on that of the real Golda Meir and a beautiful young model.” ] [ dissolve to a protester holding up an issue of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue with Golda on the cover ]

Announcer: Tomorrow night, on Part V of “The Life of Golda Meir”.. “An Attack From Within”..

Protester: Is this the person we want to lead Israel! This time Meir has gone too far!

[ dissolve to Golda Meir accepting a Nobel peace prize ]

Announcer: ..followed by “Triumph and Vindication”.

Golda Meir: I humbly thank the Nobel Academy for this award. It’s nice to be recognized for something other than my looks. Thank you.

Announcer: Tomorrow night, on “The Life of Golda Meir”.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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