Afterlife Styles of the Rich & Famous
Robin Leach…..Dana Carvey
[ dissolve to Robin standing in Heaven ]
Robin Leach: Join me on a jauncy joy ride to the gigantic kingdom of the Great Jehovah! Where we’ll search out celestial celebrities who thought they were safe from me because they’re dead! This week, on a special editon of “Afterlife Styles of the Rich & Famous”!
Hello, I’m Robin Leach! I’m yelling, I don’t know why! I’m in Heaven! I’m not dead, I’m just visiting! We’re about to enter the exclusive estate of the Creator of the Universe! Next to me, are the Pearly Gates! Standing 47 stories high, and made of real pearls. On Earth, that would set you back nearly a billion dollars! Cost in Heaven: nothing! Nada! Zero! Zip! God just made them, I don’t know why![ hears piano music ]
What’s this? It sounds like music! [ looks and sees Liberace tickling the ivories ] Well, bless my bald spot! It’s the late Liberace literally lounging in paradise! [ walks over to Liberace, sits next to him on the piano bench ] But who’s the stranger here? I think it’s me!
Liberace: Why, Robin, what a surprise! You’re the last person I ever thought I’d see here!
Robin Leach: Libby, it looks like you got the last laugh on life! Tell us, what’s it like up here?
Liberace: It’s heavenly. I’m in Heaven! [ laughs ]
Robin Leach: He makes a joke! He’s deceased, and he makes a joke!
Liberace: It’s just fabulous here! There are fountains and dancing angels.. It’s like Las Vegas, only the lighting is better.
Robin Leach: Now, tell us, Libby, what was it like passing over?
Liberace: Well.. I was bathed in white lights.. just endless peace, warmth and love. I lifted higher and higher.. and then I entered a rhinstone tunnle, which I shot through at the speed of light. And when I reached the end, there was a chorus of friends and angels singing in greeting. And you know what they were singing, Robin? “Oklahoma”!
Robin Leach: Appropos! Tell me, Libby, have you met the top banana, the head honcho, the big cheese?
Robin Leach: God!
Liberace: No, you don’t get to see him right away. First you have to be fitted with special glasses.
Robin Leach: One more question before I leave, Libby: what do you do all day?
Liberace: Oh, my goodness. What don’t I do? Of course, I love to play the piano, like always. I’d be pulling your leg if I denied that! [ chuckles ]
Robin Leach: Well, with all this, I have to wonder: are you happy?
Liberace: Are you kidding? [ laughs ] [ Mephistopheles appears ]
Mephistopheles: [ laughing maniacally ] Good evening.
Robin Leach: Well, well, what a surprise! The elusive Lucifer here in person! What are you doing here?
Mephistopheles: I used to live here.
Robin Leach: Oh. Now he puts on a non grata. Cast into the pits of fire for eternity! A fall from grace for this demented demon!
Mephistopheles: Well, I still work here, Robin. You see, I’m the bouncer! [ laughs maniacally ] Time to go now, Robin.
Robin Leach: But I’m not a sinner, I’m a television personality! I have three shows, I don’t know why!
Mephistopheles: You are a fawning sycophant. There are many sins, Robin. Greed, flattery, envy.. a loud, annoying voice.
Robin Leach: But I’m not dead, I’m just visiting! Tell him, Libby!
Liberace: Goodbye, Robin! Thanks for dropping in!
Robin Leach: I’m Robin Leach! I’m going to Hell, I don’t know why![ Mephistopheles pulls Robin off screen, as the camera zooms in on Liberace ]
Liberace: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”