Bill Murray’s Monologue


Bill Murray’s Monologue

…..Bill Murray


Bill Murray: Thank you very much! I’m very happy to be here! This is the 500th broadcast of “Saturday Night Live”!

I’ve been away a while, it’s been a while since I’ve been here. I’m a little nervous – I’ve got a belt and suspenders on this evening! But I came back. You know why? [ audience yells “Why?” ] Because I love this country! And something happened this year that just drove a dagger through my ticker. For the first time in this nation’s history, a film comedy from another country was the #1 hit. This country didn’t make “Crocdile Dundee”. We should have, we didn’t. We got a little cocky, I think. I know what you’re gonna say – “It’s the old Chicken Little routine. No, don’t worry, Bill, this is the funniest country on Earth, always will be!” Listen.. smell the coffee, people. I’m frightened.

Look at history, look at the French – they used to be funny. You know? What have they got now? They’ve got Jerry Lewis and the Smurfs, that’s it. Look at England – England has Benny Hill, but, you know, they squandered him. The Mexicans had Continflas – they worked him to death. And now we’re losing our edge, and the entire world knows it. Am I right, G.E.? Everybody knows it. While we were sleeping late, hanging in on Saturday mornings, the Japanese took away our cartoon shows! I mean, when you saw “Speed Racer”, didn’t something go, “Wait a second!” Now, the Germans are getting into sitcoms – I’m frightened. “Levenost nok Bever”?

Okay. I blame myself a little bi, I mean, I could have helped a little bit.. I mean, in my own way. I just got.. you know.. I took a little time off, I got to know my friends and family a little bit, had a few dinners, a few drinks, a glass of wine.. next thing you know, a year has gone. Yuo re-order, you have second helpings, and three years are gone.. and I’m just too old, fat, and slow to know the difference. But I’m gonna try to help this country regain her natural, genetic, racial, comic supremacy. Are you with me?! Let’s start tonight! Will you promise to laugh, even if it’s not funny? [ audience applauds ] ‘Cause we need the support! We’ve got a great show. We’ve got.. well.. it’s an American show. We’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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