Sold-Out Gold

Sold-Out Gold

Daughter…..Victoria Jackson
Father…..Kevin Nealon
David Crosby…..Jon Lovitz

[ open on Father and Daughter dancing to “Good Vibrations” by the Beach Boys ]

Daughter: Wow, Dad, that’s the Sunkist Song!

Father: No, Jennifer, it’s the Beach Boys. I grew up listening to this music!

Daughter: Wow, Dad! You’re cooler than I thought!

Father: You mean now, there’s music we both can enjoy?

[ cut to David Crosby in a recording studio ]

David Crosby: There sure is, man! Hi, I’m David Crosby. Hey, did you know that many of today’s best-loved commercial jingles are actually based on classics from the sixties? Cause they are, man. Now all this great music is available on one collection… [ holds up record SOLD OUT GOLD ] Sold Out Gold! You’ll get great hits like Orange Vibrations.

[ SUPER: “SUNKIST VIBRATIONS – The Beach Boys”, to the tune of “GoodVibrations” ]

“I’m picking up orange vibrations,
Sunkist Orange Soda taste sensations..

David Crosby: Or the Nike Song!

[ SUPER: “THE NIKE SONG – The Beatles”, to the tune of “Revolution” ]

“There’s got to be a revolution
Well, you know…

David Crosby: And if you order now, man, we’ll sell you this additional album.. [ holds up record SOLD OUT BRONZE ] ..Sold Out Bronze! 20 never-before-aired commercials, including this one from Time Magazine.

[ SUPER: “IN-A-TIME-MAGAZINE – Iron Butterfly”, to the tune of”In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida” ]

“In a Time magazine, now baby
It’s got all the news, if you care.

David Crosby: Or this Doors tune for General Electric!
[ SUPER: “GENERAL ELECTRIC – The Doors”, to the tune of “People Are Strange” ]

“Self-cleaning oven,
Digital timer,
Chicken is tasty
When broiled in my range
G.E. range,
Pastries come out all the same,
G.E. range..

David Crosby: And White Shirt!

[ SUPER: “WHITE SHIRT – Jefferson Airplane”, to the tune of “White Rabbit” ]

“One shirt makes you formal,
And one shirt has short sleeves,
Ask Arrow
For your shirt needs.

[ Shown: a picture of the Rolling Stones and a box of Eggo Waffles ]

“Hey you, leggo my eggo!
Hey you, leggo my eggo!
Hey you, leggo my eggo!

David Crosby: Plus, these other Sold-Out Bronze classics!

[ Titles scroll:

“TALKING ABOUT (MY KEN-L-RATION) – The Who”
“(HEY YOU) LEGGO MY EGGO – The Rolling Stones”
“THE WIND CRIES SHASTA – Jimi Hendrix”
“INCENSE AND FEENA-MINTS – Strawberry Alarm Clock”
“JEEP CHEROKEE PEOPLE – Paul Revere and the Raiders”
“WHERE HAVE ALL THE PRINGLES GONE? – Peter, Paul, & Mary” ]

David Crosby: [ holding both albums] I’ve listened to these albums over 300 times, man! Now you can too by ordering today. Here’s how, man:

(bugs his eyes)

Send $19.69 to:
SOLD-OUT GOLD
P.O. Box 1965
Silver Springs, IN, 01965

Or call 1-800-SIX-TIES, yeah.

[ cut back to father and daughter dancing to the tune of “We Gotta GetOut of This Place” ]

“We gotta get out of this place
And take a trip to the Poconos.
We gotta get out of this place..

[ fade to black ]

Thanks to Tony DuMontfor this transcript.

SNL Transcripts