Sold-Out Gold

Sold-Out Gold

Daughter…..Victoria Jackson
Father…..Kevin Nealon
David Crosby…..Jon Lovitz


[ open on Father and Daughter dancing to “Good Vibrations” by the Beach Boys ]

Daughter: Wow, Dad, that’s the Sunkist Song!

Father: No, Jennifer, it’s the Beach Boys. I grew up listening to this music!

Daughter: Wow, Dad! You’re cooler than I thought!

Father: You mean now, there’s music we both can enjoy?

[ cut to David Crosby in a recording studio ]

David Crosby: There sure is, man! Hi, I’m David Crosby. Hey, did you know that many of today’s best-loved commercial jingles are actually based on classics from the sixties? Cause they are, man. Now all this great music is available on one collection… [ holds up record SOLD OUT GOLD ] Sold Out Gold! You’ll get great hits like Orange Vibrations.

[ SUPER: “SUNKIST VIBRATIONS – The Beach Boys”, to the tune of “GoodVibrations” ]

“I’m picking up orange vibrations,
Sunkist Orange Soda taste sensations..

David Crosby: Or the Nike Song!

[ SUPER: “THE NIKE SONG – The Beatles”, to the tune of “Revolution” ]

“There’s got to be a revolution
Well, you know…

David Crosby: And if you order now, man, we’ll sell you this additional album.. [ holds up record SOLD OUT BRONZE ] ..Sold Out Bronze! 20 never-before-aired commercials, including this one from Time Magazine.

[ SUPER: “IN-A-TIME-MAGAZINE – Iron Butterfly”, to the tune of”In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida” ]

“In a Time magazine, now baby
It’s got all the news, if you care.

David Crosby: Or this Doors tune for General Electric!
[ SUPER: “GENERAL ELECTRIC – The Doors”, to the tune of “People Are Strange” ]

“Self-cleaning oven,
Digital timer,
Chicken is tasty
When broiled in my range
G.E. range,
Pastries come out all the same,
G.E. range..

David Crosby: And White Shirt!

[ SUPER: “WHITE SHIRT – Jefferson Airplane”, to the tune of “White Rabbit” ]

“One shirt makes you formal,
And one shirt has short sleeves,
Ask Arrow
For your shirt needs.

[ Shown: a picture of the Rolling Stones and a box of Eggo Waffles ]

“Hey you, leggo my eggo!
Hey you, leggo my eggo!
Hey you, leggo my eggo!

David Crosby: Plus, these other Sold-Out Bronze classics!

[ Titles scroll:

“TALKING ABOUT (MY KEN-L-RATION) – The Who”
“(HEY YOU) LEGGO MY EGGO – The Rolling Stones”
“THE WIND CRIES SHASTA – Jimi Hendrix”
“INCENSE AND FEENA-MINTS – Strawberry Alarm Clock”
“JEEP CHEROKEE PEOPLE – Paul Revere and the Raiders”
“WHERE HAVE ALL THE PRINGLES GONE? – Peter, Paul, & Mary” ]

David Crosby: [ holding both albums] I’ve listened to these albums over 300 times, man! Now you can too by ordering today. Here’s how, man:

(bugs his eyes)

Send $19.69 to:
SOLD-OUT GOLD
P.O. Box 1965
Silver Springs, IN, 01965

Or call 1-800-SIX-TIES, yeah.

[ cut back to father and daughter dancing to the tune of “We Gotta GetOut of This Place” ]

“We gotta get out of this place
And take a trip to the Poconos.
We gotta get out of this place..

[ fade to black ]

Thanks to Tony DuMontfor this transcript.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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