Easy Rider

Easy Rider

Billy…..Dennis Hopper
Doctor…..Jon Lovitz
Wyatt…..Dana Carvey
George Hanson…..Phil Hartman

[ open on edited ending footage of “Easy Rider”, as Billy and Wyatt are shot off their motorcycles by a pair of redneck in a beat-up farm truck ] [ dissolve to exterior, Mercer Parish Medical Clinic ] [ SUPER: “Later That Day” ] [ Billy and Wyatt exit the clinic covered in bandages, with Doctor close behind them ]

Doctor: How do those bandages feel?

Billy: Hey, man. They feel kind of tight, man.

Wyatt: Yeah. When can we take them off, man?

Doctor: Now, you just let those bandages be. You boys are lucky to be alive! What the hell did you say to ol’ Curtis, anyway, to make him so mad?

Billy: Hey, nothing, man! Like, he pulled up next to me, man. He said, “Why don’tcha get a haircut, man!” Like, you know? And he shot me!

Wyatt: Yeah. Me, too, man.

Doctor: Well.. these things will happen. Here, if you have any pain, here’s some pain pills for you.

Wyatt: [ moaning ] Oh, man.. I don’t need these, man. You can get strung out on these things, man..

Billy: [ slyly ] Yeeeeaaahhh. I’d better keep these.

[ suddenly, George Hanson, now more than ever a caricature of Jack Nicholson, ambles into the scene ]

George Hanson: There you guys are!

Billy and Wyatt: George!!

George Hanson: Why’d you go off and leave me like that, man!

Billy: George, man, I thought you were dead, man!

Wyatt: Yeah, man.

George Hanson: Nah.. just a bad hangover. I felt like I’d been whopped on the head with an ax handle. [ holds up bottle ] This stuff’ll ruin ya!

Billy: Yeah, man. I’ll take that. [ opens bottle ]

Wyatt: Hey, how’d ya get here, anyway, man?

George Hanson: Oh. I thumbed a ride from these two guys in a pick-up truck. They seemed like pretty nice fella, actually..

Wyatt: Well, I guess we’ll be moving on, Doc.

Billy: Yeah, now, uh.. which way, man? Like, give me the directions again to the barber shop, man.

Doctor: [ pointing ] Alright, now.. you just go straight down this road, for about eight miles. It’s right there.

Wyatt: Hey,sn’t there a closer way to go, man?

Doctor: No, that’s the closest one.

Billy: Okay, you ready, George, man?

[ hops onto the back of Wyatt’s motorcycle ]

George Hanson: Roger, Wilco!

Billy: Alright, buddy.

George Hanson: Maybe we should vacate these environs and motor north to Gotham!

Doctor: Get the razor cut – it’s worth it!

[ the three hippies start their bikes and exit the scene ] [ pan to the motorcycles in motion, as the scenery zips past them, George waving his arms like in the “If You Wanna Be A Bird” sequence ] [ Music Over: “Born To Be Wild” ]

Billy: George! Look!

[ Billy climbs on his bike and raises one leg in the air, causing George to laugh at his shenanigans ]

Wyatt: Alright, man!

Billy: Watch this one!

[ Billy grabs his handlebars tightly, then swings both legs in the air behind him, letting the wind keep his body flapping horizontally ]

Billy: Whoa!

George Hanson: Yeah!

Billy: You ready? Hey!

[ Billy jumps off his motorcycle and races beside it until he finally decides to jump back onboard ]

Billy: “Live, from New York, man.. it’s Saturday Night!

SNL Transcripts

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