Easy Rider
Billy…..Dennis Hopper
Doctor…..Jon Lovitz
Wyatt…..Dana Carvey
George Hanson…..Phil Hartman
[ open on edited ending footage of “Easy Rider”, as Billy and Wyatt are shot off their motorcycles by a pair of redneck in a beat-up farm truck ]
[ dissolve to exterior, Mercer Parish Medical Clinic ]
[ SUPER: “Later That Day” ]
[ Billy and Wyatt exit the clinic covered in bandages, with Doctor close behind them ]
Doctor: How do those bandages feel?
Billy: Hey, man. They feel kind of tight, man.
Wyatt: Yeah. When can we take them off, man?
Doctor: Now, you just let those bandages be. You boys are lucky to be alive! What the hell did you say to ol’ Curtis, anyway, to make him so mad?
Billy: Hey, nothing, man! Like, he pulled up next to me, man. He said, “Why don’tcha get a haircut, man!” Like, you know? And he shot me!
Wyatt: Yeah. Me, too, man.
Doctor: Well.. these things will happen. Here, if you have any pain, here’s some pain pills for you.
Wyatt: [ moaning ] Oh, man.. I don’t need these, man. You can get strung out on these things, man..
Billy: [ slyly ] Yeeeeaaahhh. I’d better keep these.
[ suddenly, George Hanson, now more than ever a caricature of Jack Nicholson, ambles into the scene ]
George Hanson: There you guys are!
Billy and Wyatt: George!!
George Hanson: Why’d you go off and leave me like that, man!
Billy: George, man, I thought you were dead, man!
Wyatt: Yeah, man.
George Hanson: Nah.. just a bad hangover. I felt like I’d been whopped on the head with an ax handle. [ holds up bottle ] This stuff’ll ruin ya!
Billy: Yeah, man. I’ll take that. [ opens bottle ]
Wyatt: Hey, how’d ya get here, anyway, man?
George Hanson: Oh. I thumbed a ride from these two guys in a pick-up truck. They seemed like pretty nice fella, actually..
Wyatt: Well, I guess we’ll be moving on, Doc.
Billy: Yeah, now, uh.. which way, man? Like, give me the directions again to the barber shop, man.
Doctor: [ pointing ] Alright, now.. you just go straight down this road, for about eight miles. It’s right there.
Wyatt: Hey,sn’t there a closer way to go, man?
Doctor: No, that’s the closest one.
Billy: Okay, you ready, George, man?
[ hops onto the back of Wyatt’s motorcycle ]
George Hanson: Roger, Wilco!
Billy: Alright, buddy.
George Hanson: Maybe we should vacate these environs and motor north to Gotham!
Doctor: Get the razor cut – it’s worth it!
[ the three hippies start their bikes and exit the scene ]
[ pan to the motorcycles in motion, as the scenery zips past them, George waving his arms like in the “If You Wanna Be A Bird” sequence ]
[ Music Over: “Born To Be Wild” ]
Billy: George! Look!
[ Billy climbs on his bike and raises one leg in the air, causing George to laugh at his shenanigans ]
Wyatt: Alright, man!
Billy: Watch this one!
[ Billy grabs his handlebars tightly, then swings both legs in the air behind him, letting the wind keep his body flapping horizontally ]
Billy: Whoa!
George Hanson: Yeah!
Billy: You ready? Hey!
[ Billy jumps off his motorcycle and races beside it until he finally decides to jump back onboard ]
Billy: “Live, from New York, man.. it’s Saturday Night!“
