Easy Rider


Easy Rider

Billy…..Dennis Hopper
Doctor…..Jon Lovitz
Wyatt…..Dana Carvey
George Hanson…..Phil Hartman

[ open on edited ending footage of “Easy Rider”, as Billy and Wyatt are shot off their motorcycles by a pair of redneck in a beat-up farm truck ] [ dissolve to exterior, Mercer Parish Medical Clinic ] [ SUPER: “Later That Day” ] [ Billy and Wyatt exit the clinic covered in bandages, with Doctor close behind them ]

Doctor: How do those bandages feel?

Billy: Hey, man. They feel kind of tight, man.

Wyatt: Yeah. When can we take them off, man?

Doctor: Now, you just let those bandages be. You boys are lucky to be alive! What the hell did you say to ol’ Curtis, anyway, to make him so mad?

Billy: Hey, nothing, man! Like, he pulled up next to me, man. He said, “Why don’tcha get a haircut, man!” Like, you know? And he shot me!

Wyatt: Yeah. Me, too, man.

Doctor: Well.. these things will happen. Here, if you have any pain, here’s some pain pills for you.

Wyatt: [ moaning ] Oh, man.. I don’t need these, man. You can get strung out on these things, man..

Billy: [ slyly ] Yeeeeaaahhh. I’d better keep these.

[ suddenly, George Hanson, now more than ever a caricature of Jack Nicholson, ambles into the scene ]

George Hanson: There you guys are!

Billy and Wyatt: George!!

George Hanson: Why’d you go off and leave me like that, man!

Billy: George, man, I thought you were dead, man!

Wyatt: Yeah, man.

George Hanson: Nah.. just a bad hangover. I felt like I’d been whopped on the head with an ax handle. [ holds up bottle ] This stuff’ll ruin ya!

Billy: Yeah, man. I’ll take that. [ opens bottle ]

Wyatt: Hey, how’d ya get here, anyway, man?

George Hanson: Oh. I thumbed a ride from these two guys in a pick-up truck. They seemed like pretty nice fella, actually..

Wyatt: Well, I guess we’ll be moving on, Doc.

Billy: Yeah, now, uh.. which way, man? Like, give me the directions again to the barber shop, man.

Doctor: [ pointing ] Alright, now.. you just go straight down this road, for about eight miles. It’s right there.

Wyatt: Hey,sn’t there a closer way to go, man?

Doctor: No, that’s the closest one.

Billy: Okay, you ready, George, man?

[ hops onto the back of Wyatt’s motorcycle ]

George Hanson: Roger, Wilco!

Billy: Alright, buddy.

George Hanson: Maybe we should vacate these environs and motor north to Gotham!

Doctor: Get the razor cut – it’s worth it!

[ the three hippies start their bikes and exit the scene ] [ pan to the motorcycles in motion, as the scenery zips past them, George waving his arms like in the “If You Wanna Be A Bird” sequence ] [ Music Over: “Born To Be Wild” ]

Billy: George! Look!

[ Billy climbs on his bike and raises one leg in the air, causing George to laugh at his shenanigans ]

Wyatt: Alright, man!

Billy: Watch this one!

[ Billy grabs his handlebars tightly, then swings both legs in the air behind him, letting the wind keep his body flapping horizontally ]

Billy: Whoa!

George Hanson: Yeah!

Billy: You ready? Hey!

[ Billy jumps off his motorcycle and races beside it until he finally decides to jump back onboard ]

Billy: “Live, from New York, man.. it’s Saturday Night!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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