Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 13: Episode 1
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
October 17th, 1987
Steve Martin
Sting
None
Bruce Babbitt
Cheryl Hardwick
The UntouchablesSummary: Because he’s said too much, President Ronald Reagan (Phil Hartman) clubs Robert Bork (Jon Lovitz) in the head.
Recurring Characters: President Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Robert Bork.
Transcript
MontageNote: Studio 8-H was evacuated just before dress rehearsal because there was a fire in a nearby studio. Even though they were unable to perform a dress rehearsal, Steve Martin was insistent with going ahead with the live show.
Steve Martin’s MonologueSummary: Steve Martin doesn’t let a technician strike mar the effect of his tap dance sequence to the song “I Bite Down Hard,” even though it would be more significant if someone were operating the cameras.
First Hosted: 76e.
Transcript
Gary Hart AdSummary: Gary Hart’s effect on women makes him too hard for them to get him out of their mind.
Transcript
Common KnowledgeSummary: High schoolers’ stupidity determines answers to common knowledge trivia questions.
Recurring Characters: Jeanne kirkpatrick.
Transcript
The NFL TodaySummary: Brent Musberger (Kevin Nealon) questions Jimmy the Greek’s (Phil Hartman) sports predictions.
Recurring Characters: Brent Musberger, Jimmy the Greek, George Plimpton.
Slide Whistle Sound EffectsSummary: The sounds of slide whistles reveal a couple’s (Martin, Victoria Jackson) dating expectations.
Transcript
Sting performs “We’ll Be Together”Bio: Sting (1951-). Musician; realname: Gordon Sumner; former lead singer/bass player for The Police, 1978-83; released his first solo album in 1985; film appearances include “Dune” (1984); human rights activist; married actress Trudie Styler (his secodn wife) in 1992.
Hosted: 90k, 96o.
Also Performed: 90k, 92n, 95n, 96o, 99f.
Weekend Update with Dennis MillerSummary: Al Franken interviews Bruce Babbitt about his abuse of supermarket express lanes. Via song, Victoria Jackson says to the world: “I Am Not A Bimbo!”
Transcript
Bullets Aren’t CheapSummary: A penny-pinching James Bond (Steve Martin) faces his nemesis, Goldsting (Sting).
Recurring Characters: James Bond.
Transcript
Permission To Speak FreelySummary: Naval officers (Steve Martin, Jon Lovitz) abuse their Permission to Speak Freely by-law privileges.
Note: Steve Martin accidentally spits on Jon Lovitz while yelling at him.
Transcript
Sting performs “Little Wing”
Adventures In The Lost RealmSummary: An expedition team waits for a dinosaur to finish eating their companion (Jon Lovitz).
Pumping Up with Hans & FranzSummary: Narcissistic bodybuilders, Hans (Dana Carvey) and Franz (Kevin Nealon), insult their fitness viewers.
Recurring Characters: Hans, Franz.
Transcript
Goodnights
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