Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 13: Episode 4
Fatal Attraction II
Alex…..L.L. Cool J
[ open in Sean Penn’s dressing room ]
[ the phone rings, as Sean stares at it in horror ]
Sean Penn: [ answers ] Hello! Look, Alex, we agreed that you weren’t going to call any more! No, I don’t love you, Alex, because you’re a very sick person! I feel very sorry for you, but I’m warning you – you bother me again, I’ll call the police!
[ SUPER: “Fatal Attraction II” ]
[ phone rings again ]
Sean Penn: [ answers ] This is sick! Why are you doing this?! [ pause ] Oh.. I’m sorry, honey.. no, I thought it was someone else.. uh, this crank caller.. yeah, thanks, I love you, too. Yeah, I’ll call you after the show. Goodbye. [ hangs up, then dials Security ] Yeah, uh.. if an Alex Forrerst calls, just say I’m not here, and don’t take any messages, alright? Thanks. [ hangs up ]
[ Alex knocks on the door, then enters ]
Alex: Hello, Sean.
Sean Penn: Alex..
Alex: I missed you.
Sean Penn: [ stands ] Alex, how did you get in here?
Alex: I told you about my parole hearing, Sean. Why didn’t you come?
Sean Penn: Look, Alex, you’re gonna have to leave!
Alex: No, Sean.. we have to talk about us.. homeboy.
Sean Penn: [ sits ] Alex, I.. I.. don’t think we have anything to talk about.. you were very nice to me in prison, you kept the bigger inmates away from me. I’m very grateful, but that’s as far as it goes – I have a wife!
Alex: Oh, you have a wife now – Madonna, the fabulous Madonna. I guess I’d be a bit of a come-down after her, huh?
Sean Penn: No, that’s not fair.. I mean.. I think you’re a wonderful person. I don’t know, maybe things would be different if I’d met you first, but I didn’t..
Alex: If there’s no chance for us, just say so.
Sean Penn: [ looks at Madonna’s picture, then at Alex, back at Madonna’s picture, then back at Alex ] Could we talk about it after the show?
Alex: I think we’d better. Yeah.
Sean Penn: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”