Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 13: Episode 4
87d: Robert Mitchum / Simply Red
Compulsion
Narrator…..Phil Hartman
Man…..Dana Carvey
Woman…..Jan Hooks
Model…..Nora Dunn
Narrator: She was like the air. Brittle and easily broken.
[ shows title: COMPULSION, as dramatic music starts ]How could one so perfect, be so flawed?
Man: Dearest..
Woman: Not now. I’m busy. [ is seen scrubbing the stairs ]
Narrator: She was an incondescant angel, dancing on the edge of a ritual that was both innocent and jejune.
Man: Yes. She was.
Narrator: [ annoyed at man ] Her translucent figure, glowing in the light andfire of her overwhelming passion.
[ Woman picks up a chess piece and wipes under it, then looks at the sponge and sees the dirt it picked up ]Woman: Save me…. [ Man pulls her toward him ]
Man: Why?
Narrator: I wonder what was the greater transgression. Loving her, or abiding her immaculate madness.
[ a wine glass is knocked over, as Woman tries to clean up the mess ]Model: A little club soda will get that out.
Woman: Liar!
Narrator: She was consumed. Obsessed. Never able to enjoy her own party.
Man: I alone felt her torment. Her deepest secrets known only to me.
[ Narrator slaps Man in the face ]Woman: If keeping a clean house is a crime, then let me be guilty!
Model: Guilty! [ another model gasps ]
Narrator: A horrifying creature. What was it we could not give her, or sheunderstand? [ everyone is dancing, while woman tries to vacuum after them ] [ setting is now black and white and shows Woman behind bottle of Compulsion ]Woman: Somewhere between cleanliness and godliness lies Compulsion, theworld’s most indulgent disinfectant. From Calvin Kleen.
Announcer: Ah, the price of it.
Submitted by: Tony DuMont
