SNL Transcripts: Candice Bergen: 11/21/87


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 13: Episode 5

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


November 21st, 1987

Candice Bergen


Paul Shaffer & The World’s Most Dangerous Band

Sydney Biddle Barrows
A Message From the Vice-President of the United StatesSummary: Vice-President George Bush (Dana Carvey) announces that he’s staged a coup in order to deter his status as a wimp.

Recurring Characters: George Bush.


Candice Bergen’s MonologueSummary: While clutching a live turkey, Candace Bergen tells the audience about the pet turkey she had as a child.

First Hosted: 75d.

Pumping Up With Hans & FranzSummary: Hans (Dana Carvey) and Franz (Kevin Nealon) will put girly man Helmut (Phil Hartman) through an extensive and cruel exercise regime.

Recurring Characters: Hans, Franz, Helmut.

Anne BoleynSummary: King Henry VIII’s exiled wife, Anne Boleyn (Candace Bergen), decides how she wants to die following their divorce.

Judge Anthony Kennedy AdSummary: Machine parts will be taxed.

Ching ChangeSummary: Ching Change’s (Dana Carvey) sister Loose (Nora Dunn) dates a positive ethnic stereotype (Phil Hartman).

Recurring Characters: Ching Change, Loose.

Cher with Paul Shaffer & The World’s Most Dangerous Band performs “We All Sleep Alone”Bio: Cher (1946-). Singer-songwriter/actress; with Sonny Bono, comprised pop duo/TV variety act Sonny & Cher from 1964-75; married for the same length of time, producing one daughter, Chastity; later married rocker Gregg Allman, 1975-79; won the Academy Award for Best Actress for “Moonstruck” (1987).

Bio: The World’s Most Dangerous Band are the house band on “Late Night with David Letterman”, 1982-93; in addition to Shaffer, a former musical director on “SNL”, members are: Will Lee (bass guitar), Sid McGinnis (guitar), and Anton Fig (drums and percussion); the group would later double when Letterman moved operations to CBS for “The Late Show with David Letterman”, 1993-.

Weekend Update with Dennis Miller

Thanksgiving ProstitutionSummary: The original Mayflower Madam (Candace Bergen) organizes a group of prostitutes for the pleasure of the Indians.

Bio: Sydney Biddle Barrows (1952-). Mayflower Madam; ran high-class prostitution/escort service in New York City from 1979-84; portrayed by Candice Bergen in the 1987 TV-movie based on her biography.

Country Through & ThroughSummary: Country singer’s (Dana Carvey) album expresses his humiliation.

Cher with Paul Shaffer & The World’s Most Dangerous Band performs “I Found Someone”

Thought BalloonsSummary: Their visual thoughts differ from a couple’s (Phil Hartman, Candace Bergen) conversation.

Peeping TomSummary: A peeping Tom (Kevin Nealon) watches as newly released Mace (Phil Hartman) tries to seduce a prostitute (Jan Hooks).

Recurring Characters: Mace.


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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