SNL Transcripts: Danny DeVito: 12/05/87: Handi-Off

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 13: Episode 6

87f: Danny DeVito / Bryan Ferry


Sheila…..Victoria Jackson
Male Worker #1…..Kevin Nealon
Male Worker #2…..Dennis Miller

[ open in office ]Sheila: [ hands paper to Male worker #1 ] Here’s the rough design.I’ll have the rest in the morning.

Male Worker #1: Nice girl.

Male Worker #2: Yeah, she really is. Too bad about her hands.

[ Sheila looks at her hand sadly, revealing that she has seven fingers oneach hand ]

Announcer: You’ve tried sanding them off. You’ve tried slamming themoff. And mitts only hide the problem. There’s no way around it – you’ve gotextra fingers. It’s time for Handi-Off. Only Handi-Off contains Leprosin.[ Sheila applies Handi-Off to her extra fingers ] That tingle will tell youit’s working. In just three days, unsightly fingers disappear – for good![ Sheila’s extra fingers fall off ] [ back at the office ]

Male Worker 2: Hey, Sheila. Pick you up at six?

Sheila: Let’s make it five! [ holds her hand up to reveal she now hasfive fingers on each hand, and winks at the camera ]

Announcer: Subtract your extra digits with Handi-Off. Nowthere’s new Toe-Riffic for toes.

Submitted by: Tony DuMont

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