Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 13: Episode 6
87f: Danny DeVito / Bryan Ferry
Handi-Off
Sheila…..Victoria Jackson
Male Worker #1…..Kevin Nealon
Male Worker #2…..Dennis Miller
[ open in office ]
Sheila: [ hands paper to Male worker #1 ] Here’s the rough design.I’ll have the rest in the morning.
Male Worker #1: Nice girl.
Male Worker #2: Yeah, she really is. Too bad about her hands.
[ Sheila looks at her hand sadly, revealing that she has seven fingers oneach hand ]
Announcer: You’ve tried sanding them off. You’ve tried slamming themoff. And mitts only hide the problem. There’s no way around it – you’ve gotextra fingers. It’s time for Handi-Off. Only Handi-Off contains Leprosin.[ Sheila applies Handi-Off to her extra fingers ] That tingle will tell youit’s working. In just three days, unsightly fingers disappear – for good![ Sheila’s extra fingers fall off ]
[ back at the office ]
Male Worker 2: Hey, Sheila. Pick you up at six?
Sheila: Let’s make it five! [ holds her hand up to reveal she now hasfive fingers on each hand, and winks at the camera ]
Announcer: Subtract your extra digits with Handi-Off. Nowthere’s new Toe-Riffic for toes.
Submitted by: Tony DuMont
