SNL Transcripts: Danny DeVito: 12/05/87: Handi-Off


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 13: Episode 6

87f: Danny DeVito / Bryan Ferry


Sheila…..Victoria Jackson
Male Worker #1…..Kevin Nealon
Male Worker #2…..Dennis Miller

[ open in office ]Sheila: [ hands paper to Male worker #1 ] Here’s the rough design.I’ll have the rest in the morning.

Male Worker #1: Nice girl.

Male Worker #2: Yeah, she really is. Too bad about her hands.

[ Sheila looks at her hand sadly, revealing that she has seven fingers oneach hand ]

Announcer: You’ve tried sanding them off. You’ve tried slamming themoff. And mitts only hide the problem. There’s no way around it – you’ve gotextra fingers. It’s time for Handi-Off. Only Handi-Off contains Leprosin.[ Sheila applies Handi-Off to her extra fingers ] That tingle will tell youit’s working. In just three days, unsightly fingers disappear – for good![ Sheila’s extra fingers fall off ] [ back at the office ]

Male Worker 2: Hey, Sheila. Pick you up at six?

Sheila: Let’s make it five! [ holds her hand up to reveal she now hasfive fingers on each hand, and winks at the camera ]

Announcer: Subtract your extra digits with Handi-Off. Nowthere’s new Toe-Riffic for toes.

Submitted by: Tony DuMont

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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