SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 12/19/87

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 13: Episode 8

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

December 19th, 1987

Paul Simon

Linda Ronstadt


Sen. Paul Simon

Tom Davis

Marc Shaiman
Jesus’ Surprise Party


Paul Simon’s MonologueSummary: Confusion arises over whether Paul Simon the singer is hosting tonight’s show, or Paul Simon the senator.

First Hosted: 75b.

Bio: Sen. Paul Simon (1928-2003). Politician; served in U.S. House of Representatives, 1975-85; Illinois State Senator, 1985-97.


Gary Hart AdSummary: Gary Hart’s effect on women makes him too hard for them to get him out of their mind.

Note: Repeat from: 87a.

Desert Island ChristmasSummary: Being stranded on a desert island hasn’t stopped a woman (Victoria Jackson) from bestowing lavish gifts upon her boyfriend (Paul Simon) at Christmastime.


Master Thespian As Santa ClausRecurring Characters: Master Thespian.

Linda Ronstadt & The Mariachi Vargas performs “Los Laureles” & “La Cigarra”First Performed: 78s.

Bio: Mariachi Vargas. In its original form, the group was founded by Gaspar Vargas in Tecalitlán, Jalisco, Mexico in 1898.

Weekend Update with Dennis MillerRecurring Characters: Dennis Miller.

Sweeney SistersRecurring Characters: Candy Sweeney, Liz Sweeney.

Subway Solicitor

Succinctly SpeakingRecurring Characters: Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein.


Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein sing “Away in a Manger”

Paul Simon & Linda Ronstadt perform “Under African Skies”

Truck Stop Reflections

A Message From Jon Lovitz


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