SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 12/19/87


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 13: Episode 8

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

December 19th, 1987

Paul Simon

Linda Ronstadt


Sen. Paul Simon

Tom Davis

Marc Shaiman
Jesus’ Surprise Party


Paul Simon’s MonologueSummary: Confusion arises over whether Paul Simon the singer is hosting tonight’s show, or Paul Simon the senator.

First Hosted: 75b.

Bio: Sen. Paul Simon (1928-2003). Politician; served in U.S. House of Representatives, 1975-85; Illinois State Senator, 1985-97.


Gary Hart AdSummary: Gary Hart’s effect on women makes him too hard for them to get him out of their mind.

Note: Repeat from: 87a.

Desert Island ChristmasSummary: Being stranded on a desert island hasn’t stopped a woman (Victoria Jackson) from bestowing lavish gifts upon her boyfriend (Paul Simon) at Christmastime.


Master Thespian As Santa ClausRecurring Characters: Master Thespian.

Linda Ronstadt & The Mariachi Vargas performs “Los Laureles” & “La Cigarra”First Performed: 78s.

Bio: Mariachi Vargas. In its original form, the group was founded by Gaspar Vargas in Tecalitlán, Jalisco, Mexico in 1898.

Weekend Update with Dennis MillerRecurring Characters: Dennis Miller.

Sweeney SistersRecurring Characters: Candy Sweeney, Liz Sweeney.

Subway Solicitor

Succinctly SpeakingRecurring Characters: Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein.


Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein sing “Away in a Manger”

Paul Simon & Linda Ronstadt perform “Under African Skies”

Truck Stop Reflections

A Message From Jon Lovitz


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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