SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 12/19/87: Paul Simon’s Monologue



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 13: Episode 8



87h: Paul Simon / Linda Ronstadt

Paul Simon’s Monologue

…..Paul Simon
…..Sen. Paul Simon

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Paul Simon!

[ Paul Simon, the musician, and Paul Simon, the Senator, both walk ontoCenter Stage ]

Paul Simon: You know, this is very embarassing.. and I was surethat they meant me!

Sen. Paul Simon: I just assumed they wanted me – Paul Simon,the Senator!

Paul Simon: Well.. it’s a comedy show.. and it’s a music show.. so,it’s gotta be me, I mean who else?

Sen. Paul Simon: I guess. I just wish somebody had told me earlier.I’ve been rehearsing since Thursday here.

Paul Simon: It gets very hectic here, and you can get lost in theshuffle.

Sen. Paul Simon: I understand. Like New Hampshire.

Paul Simon: Well.. it’s just one of those things that can hpapen toanybody.. named Paul Simon.

Sen. Paul Simon: You wouldn’t believe how many times this has happenedto me!

Paul Simon: And to me. I remember one time I had shown up with myguitar at a Democratic Women’s Convention in Audobon, Iowa.

Sen. Paul Simon: And how about that benefit at Madison Square Garden?I’m up on the stage trying to debate with Bruce Springsteen!

Paul Simon: You know, actually, I thought that you were very clearlythe winner on that debate.

Sen. Paul Simon: Why, thank you, Paul. Thank you.

Paul Simon: Look, as long as you’re here, why don’t you, as they say, you know, kick back, relax, and just enjoy the show?

Sen. Paul Simon: Well, I’d love to.. I gotta get up early tomorrow,you know.. to run for President.

Paul Simon: I understand. I just feel so bad that you came allthis way..

Sen. Paul Simon: Well, I do, too, frankly. I was supposed to be inSioux Falls, South Dakota tonight, at a fundraising dinner.

Paul Simon: You know, this is a live show. And something couldhappen to me, and then you could be right there.. you could be like theother Paul Simon..

Sen. Paul Simon: Sort of “a heartbeat away”?

Paul Simon: We’ve got a great show tonight, with my good friendLinda Ronstadt, so stick around!

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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