SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 02/20/88: Apple Support Systems


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 13: Episode 12

87l: Tom Hanks / Randy Travis

Apple Support Systems

Randy…..Tom Hanks
Apple Operator…..Kevin Nealon

[ open on Randy sitting behind a computer, sweating as he calls Apple Support System ]

Randy: Oh, come on, man.. come on, please.. just pick it up.. please pick up..

Apple Opertor: Apple Support System, can I help you?

Randy: Yeah.. yeah.. Support System, listen. My name is Randy. I’m new here, and there’s no one else around. I told them I knew how to use computers, and that’s why they hired me. They’re gonna be in this morning, and I gotta have results, man! I don’t know what’s what here..!

Apple Opertor: Okay, alright, alright.. Randy, get a hold of yourself. Now, first of all, what kind of computer are you working with?

Randy: Uh.. uh.. I don’t know!

Apple Opertor: Okay. Alright, listen, take it easy. We’re gonna just walk you through this.

Randy: It’s just a computer, man!

Apple Opertor: Alright, alright. Randy, you there?

Randy: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I’m here!

Apple Opertor: Randy, look in the lower lefthand corner. What does it say?

Randy: Uh, okay.. there’s a little yellow thing.. it’s got a smile on it.. and it says “Have A Nice Day.”

Apple Opertor: Okay, Randy, that’s a sticker. You might want to peel that off.

Randy: Oh. Okay. [ peels sticker off ] I got it.

Apple Opertor: Okay, alright. Good, Randy. Now, what does it say underneath that?

Randy: Well, it doesn’t say anything underneath it, man! It was just a sticker on the box!

Apple Opertor: Relax now, relax!

Randy: Wait a minute, wait a minute..! There’s like a picture of a tangerine.. or a tangelo.. or..

Apple Opertor: Okay, that’s a big help, Randy. Uh.. it sounds like you’re operating a Macintosh.

Randy: Well, is it good or bad?!

Apple Opertor: It’s good, it’s good. It’s user-friendly. Uh.. there should be a mouse hooked up to it.

Randy: Wait, wait, wait! A mouse?! User-friendly?! What are you talking about?! You’re losing me, man! You’re losing me!

Apple Opertor: Never mind that! Never mind that! Randy, I want you to put me on your speaker box, on your phone.

Randy: What, the speakerbox?

Apple Opertor: Yeah. On your speakerbox. That way you can have both hands free to operate the machine.

Randy: Oh, alright.. speakerbox, alright.. they told me how to do that. [ pushes button, places receiver on handle ] Yeah. Okay. Are you there? Hey! Where’d you go, man?! Where’d you go?!

Apple Opertor: Right here, Randy. Right here. Sorry, I was taking a sip of coffee.

Randy: Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah. Is it.. is it good coffee?

Apple Opertor: Yes, it is, Randy. And maybe when all this is over, you and I can get together for a nice, hot cup.

Randy: Yeah.. that’ll be good, yeah.. that’d be good.

Apple Opertor: Okay, now, are you with me?

Randy: Yeah.. yeah.. I’m right here.

Apple Opertor: Now, listen very carefully. With your left hand, reach behind the machine and push down the rocker switch.

Randy: You mean, th-this light switch thing?

Apple Opertor: Yes. That’s it. Push it down.

Randy: Now?

Apple Opertor: Yes. Push it down, Randy.

Randy: Okay. [ pushes switch, computer turns on ] Oh, wait, hey man, it’s humming! Hey! It’s making noises! There’s a white light on this thing, man!

Apple Opertor: Randy, it’s okay! It’s supposed to do that. That’s good, that’s good. Alright, Randy, you okay?

Randy: Yeah. I’m fine. I’m okay.

Apple Opertor: Alright, the hardest part’s over. Now, go down to your keyboard, and find the small –

Randy: Wait a minute.. keyboard! What are you talking about?!

Apple Opertor: The panel, right below the big box with the letters on it.

Randy: What, you mean this typewriter deal?

Apple Opertor: Yeah. Now, take your finger and push down twice on the little white cube that says “Open”.

Randy: [ frantic ] Okay.. okay.. here it goes. [ pushes cube ] I did it! I did it! Hey, okay, it’s done! It’s making noises, lots of noises!

Apple Opertor: Okay, Randy, you’ve now reached the Desktop mode, you’re home-free.

Randy: Okay, okay.. Desktop.. alright!

Apple Opertor: You should see a bunch of funny-looking pictures. With your left hand, push down the Shift button and the Command button at the same time.

Randy: Okay.. [ pushes both buttons ] got it.

Apple Opertor: Got it?

Randy: Got.. yeah. Yeah! Hey, piece of cake!

Apple Opertor: Congratulations. You can now retrieve any file or document you want, just by typing it on the keyboard.

Randy: Oh.. that’s.. that’s great! Okay! Okay! I got it! Um.. I guess I’m gonna hang up now.. okay?

Apple Opertor: Okay. Okay, Randy. Good luck. Oh, and hey, Randy?

Randy: Yeah?

Apple Opertor: Have a nice day.

Randy: Thanks, man. [ returns to other line ] Hello? Hi, yeah, thank you for holding. [ camera zooms out to reveal that Randy is working for a travel agency ] Now, you wanted two round-trip tickets, right? What day did you want to fly? Okay. Are you gonna need a rental car for that?

[ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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