Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 13: Episode 12
Mark Mossano…..Tom Hanks
Jim McKay…..Dana Carvey
Dick Button……Phil Hartman
Peggy Fleming…..Jan Hooks
FADE IN:[ EXT. CALGARY SADDLEDOME NIGHT ] [ GRAPHIC: ABC SPORTS CALGARY 1988 LOGO ] [ INT. CALGARY SADDLEDOME NIGHT ]
Jim McKay (V/O): Were back live at the Saddledome in Calgary, where Mark Mossano, the young figure skater from Rockford, Illinois is about to face the greatest test of his life.[ MARK MOSSANO, wearing a kids cowboy hat and a studded periwinkle unitard, waits to go on the rink. ] [ INT. CALGARY SADDLEDOME ABC SPORTS BOOTH NIGHT ] [ Announcers JIM MCKAY and DICK BUTTON stand next to each other holding microphones. ]
Jim McKay: Hello, Im Jim McKay and with me is Dick Button.
Dick Button: Hello.
Jim McKay: Dick, Dick Mark is not expected to win a medal here in Calgary and realistically – – he has no chance for one.
Dick Button: No, but Jim, watching him skate earlier today I dont think thats on his mind. I think hes here for the sheer thrill of competing in the Olympics.
Jim McKay: Well, what is it about Mark Mossano that makes him so exciting? Certainly for technique, hes no match for the skaters weve seen tonight.
Dick Button: Well, Jim, its that elusive quality we call style. He skates with an abandon thats almost primitive and how fitting for an Olympics held in this wild, frontier town. But I cant quite put my finger on it. All I can say is — I very much like this young man.[ INT. CALGARY SADDLEDOME ICE RINK NIGHT ] [ Mossano takes to the center of the ice. ]
Jim McKay (V/O): Hes taking the ice now.[ Mossano poses his arms in the air and waits for the music. ]
Jim McKay (V/O): Mark Mossano.[ The theme from Bonanza begins playing on the speakers. Mossano stumbles. ]
Dick Button (V/O): Oh! A stumble![ Mossano pulls out two, toy pistols from the holsters on his unitard and starts prancing on the ice. ]
Dick Button (V/O): But what a bold choice of music! And what a marvelous costume! A fitting choice for an Olympics held in this wild, frontier town.[ The music changes to 1930s big band ensemble. Mossano continues to prance. ]
Dick Button (V/O): Oh! A tempo change! Very dramatic.
Jim McKay (V/O): How true.
Dick Button (V/O): Very nice. You know Jim, watching him skate, Im reminded of a young Robin Cousins.
Jim McKay (V/O): Really? How so, Dick?
Dick Button (V/O): Well its hard to explain. Never mind.[ Mossano tip-toe dances on the ice, flailing the toy guns near his lips. ]
Dick Button (V/O): Whoa-ho! Look at those six-shooters blazing! Hes taking that ice like some modern-day Wyatt Earp; attacking it with verve and pizzazz and fun.[ Mossano strikes a finishing pose. ]
Dick Button (V/O): A winning, marvelous program and a sexy one to boot!
Jim McKay (V/O): Definitely very sexy.[ INT. CALGARY SADDLEDOME ABC SPORTS BOOTH NIGHT ] [ McKay and Button side-by-side. ]
Jim McKay: Now let us watch young Mark Mossano as he waits to see the judges scoring[ INT. CALGARY SADDLEDOME KISS AND CRY ZONE NIGHT ] [ Mossano pants heavily and views the scoring board off screen. ] [ SUPER: URS-0.1, FRG-0.1, USA-0.1, CAN-0.1, GDR-0.0, AUS-0.2, TCH-0.0, GBR-0.0, POL-0.0
Dick Button (V/O): 0.1, 0.1, 0.1, 0.1, 0.0 — thats the East German judge. 0.2, another no, 0.0, 0.0 and another 0.0.[ INT. CALGARY SADDLEDOME ABC SPORTS BOOTH NIGHT ]
Dick Button: Well Jim, I really think these scores are very low. I really do.
Jim McKay: Well Dick, Peggy Fleming is ringside with Mark to get his reaction. Lets go to Peggy[ INT. CALGARY SADDLEDOME KISS AND CRY ZONE NIGHT ] [ PEGGY FLEMING stands next to Mossano, whos panting harder than before. ]
Peggy Fleming: Well, technically Mark that was the best Ive ever seen you skate. Um, what was it tonight that was special for you?[ Mossano cant speak due to his panting. ]
Peggy Fleming: Okay um, did the performance of your teammate Brian Boitano give you a lift?[ Mossano shakes his head yet still not speak. ]
Peggy Fleming: Uh-huh well, is there anything youd like to say to your family back home?
Mark Mossano: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”
Submitted by: Cody Downs