SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 02/20/88: Girl Watchers A Go Go


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 13: Episode 12

87l: Tom Hanks / Randy Travis

Girl Watchers A Go Go

Girl Watcher #1…..Tom Hanks
Girl Watcher #2…..Jon Lovitz
Other Girl Watcher…..Kevin Nealon

[ open on the Girl Watchers standing on a street corner, as a woman walks past ]

Girl Watcher #1: Oh, yes!

Girl Watcher #2: Yes, indeed!

Girl Watcher #1: 49th and First. Excellent corner for scoping out the babes!

Girl Watcher #2: You said a mouthful!

Girl atcher #1: Whoa! Stop the presses! [ points at woman approaching ]

Girl Watcher #2: What have we here?

Girl Watcher #1: Hel-lo! [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] Good-bye..

Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yes.

Girl Watcher #1: Not interested in me at all.

Girl Watcher #2: No reaction whatsoever.

Girl Watcher #1: You know it, brother. Way too pretty for this hombre.

Girl Watcher #2: Yeah.. Oh, boy.. here comes another live one.

Girl Watcher #1: Mama mia!

Girl Watcher #2: Hel-lo! [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] Good-bye.

Girl Watcher #1: Oh, yeah.

Girl Watcher #2: Out of my league.

Girl Watcher #1: Mine, too.

Girl Watcher #2: Boy.. wouldn’t give me the time ‘o day.

Girl Watcher #1: Well, lookie here!

Girl Watcher #2: Oh.. me likes what me sees.

Girl Watcher #1: Good evening. [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] And good night.

Girl Watcher #2: Yow! Not even eye contact.

Girl Watcher #1: The ladies just don’t like me.

Girl Watcher #2: To say the least.

Girl Watcher #1: My face is just too wide.

Girl Watcher #2: Yeah, and my hairline can’t be helping, either.

Girl Watcher #1: I’d be hurt and disappointed if it didn’t happen so often.

Girl Watcher #2: So true.

Girl Watcher #1: Whoa! Babe alert!

Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yes. [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] Oh, no..

Girl Watcher #1: Like we didn’t even exist.

Girl Watcher #2: Completely indifferent.

Girl Watcher #1: Yes.

Girl Watcher #2: She wasn’t even that attractive. But still out of my reach. A sad comment on my life.

Girl Watcher #1: Yours and mine both. The good Lord gave me this body, and there ain’t no changing it now.

Girl Watcher #2: A-men!

Girl Watcher #1: Yeah, this ol’ head’s just way out of proportion for this body.

Girl Watcher #2: And these eyebrows come together in the most unappealing way.

Girl Watcher #1: Tru-ly sad.

Girl Watcher #2: Okay, here we go. Bottom of the ninth, two outs, full count.

Together: Strike Three!

Girl Watcher #2: So, we are out!

Girl Watcher #1: Why did we even try? We have little sense of fashion, and we can’t even lure them weith money.

Girl Watcher #2: No way. We’ve got low-paying jobs with no hope for advancement.

Girl Watcher #1: And worse yet, I make poor conversation.

Girl Watcher #2: I.. hear ya!

Other Girl Watcher: [ walks up ] Hey, excuse me, fellas, but this is my corner!

Girl Watcher #1: No problem, amigo. We were just calling it quits.

Other Girl Watcher: No luck?

Girl Watcher #2: You know it.

Other Girl Watcher: I’d make fun of you guys, but I am just one sad sack myself.

Girl Watcher #1: Small consolation.

Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yeah.

[ the first two Girl Watchers exit the scene ]

Other Girl Watcher: Let the games commence!

[ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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