Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 1
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
October 8th, 1988
Tom Hanks
Keith Richards
None
Jeff Renaudo
Conan O’Brien
Bob Odenkirk
Jim Downey
Pumping Up With Hans & FranzRecurring Characters: Hans, Franz.
Transcript
Montage
Tom Hanks’ MonologueSummary: Nice guy Tom Hanks ventures backstage to make sure everyone is ready to do a great show.
First Hosted: 85e.
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First Citiwide Change Bank ISummary: Bank representative Paul McElroy (Jim Downey) explains the process by which First Citiwide is able to distribute nothing but loose change.
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Bush-Dukakis DebateSummary: Sam Donaldson (Kevin Nealon) hogs attention from Diane Sawyer (Jan Hooks) during the presidential debate between Vice-President George Bush (Dana Carvey) and Governor Michael Dukakis (Jon Lovitz). Afterwards, Peter Jennings (Tom Hanks) and David Brinkley (Phil Hartman) give their impressions on the debate and solicit a response from Dan Quayle (Jeff Renaudo).
Recurring Characters: Diane Sawyer, Sam Donaldson, George Bush, Michael Dukakis, Peter Jennings, David Brinkley, Dan Quayle, Marilyn Quayle.
Transcript
Keith Richards performs “Take It So Hard”Bio: Keith Richards (1943-). Musician; longtime guitarist for the Rolling Stones.
Mr. Short-Term MemorySummary: Mr. Short-Term Memory (Tom Hanks) goes on a blind date and thinks himself the victim of receiving some already-been-chewed food.
Recurring Characters: Mr. Short-Term Memory
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First Citiwide Change Bank IISummary: More testimonials from customers who were glad to be able to acquire exact change when they needed it most.
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Weekend Update with Dennis MillerSummary: Kevin Nealon reports from the All Drug Olympics, where weightlifter Sergei Akmudov attempts to lift over 1,500 pounds.
Transcript
Girl-Watchers A Go-GoSummary: The two girl watchers (Tom Hanks, Jon Lovitz) try to meet women at their ten-year high school reunion.
Recurring Characters: Girl Watchers.
Transcript
Jew, Not A Jew
“Big” Outtakes
Keith Richards performs “Struggle”
The Pat Stevens ShowRecurring Characters: Pat Stevens, Barbara Bush, Kitty Dukakis.
Goodnights
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Nude BeachSummary: Bob (Dana Carvey) introduces shy Doug (Tom Hanks) to the rest of the group of nudists who hang out on the beach. Together, they sing “The Penis Song”.
Note: This sketch will air in next week’s episode hosted by Matthew Broderick.
I dont get why they would take it off, its like no one has a sence of humor