SNL Transcripts: Tom Hanks: 10/08/88: Girl-Watchers A Go-Go II


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 14: Episode 1

88a: Tom Hanks / Keith Richards

Girl-Watchers A Go-Go II

Girl Watcher #1…..Tom Hanks
Girl Watcher #2…..Jon Lovitz
Andy…..Kevin Nealon

[ open on the Girl Watchers standing in the hall during their 10th YearClass Reunion – a woman walks past ]

Girl Watcher #1: Oh, yeah!

Girl Watcher #2: Yes, indeed!

Girl Watcher #1: 10th Year Reunion, a babe opportunity I’ve long awaited!

Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yes.. 106 ladies in their prime, and we’ve got a ringside seat!

Girl Watcher #1: You know it, my friend! The entrance to the ladies room is a perfect base of op-er-ation!

Girl Watcher #2: Well, well! [ points at woman approaching ]

Girl Watcher #1: Need I say more? Hel-lo! [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] ..and goodbye.

Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yes.

Girl Watcher #1: She saw nothingof value in me!

Girl Watcher #2: Just like old times!

[ they high-five ]

Girl Watcher #1: Yes, we were almost as unpopular then as we are now!

Girl Watcher #2: I hear you. Only now, we’re older and uglier.

Girl Watcher #1: Yes, I seem to remember I was quite thenon-entity!

Girl Watcher #2: And I was a pretty fair social leper myself!

Girl Watcher #1: [ spots woman walking out of the ladies room ] Your attention, please!

Girl Watcher #2: Bonjour!

[ she keeps walking ]

Girl Watcher #1: Oh, yeah!

Girl Watcher #2: Didn’t even break stride!

Girl Watcher #1: Her standards are not low enough.

Girl Watcher #2: No way. [ they high-five ] She caught the shine on my forehead, and just kept on truckin’.

Girl Watcher #1: I was there all along, backing you up with mybig ol’ head!

Girl Watcher #2: Mmm-hmm.

Together: [ spotting another woman ] Whoa!

Girl Watcher #1: It’s Tracy Moore, the first girl ever to turn me down.
Girl Watcher #2: You never forget your first.

Girl Watcher #1: Yeah! I’ll bet my life she doesn’t remember us.

Girl Watcher #2: I’ll see your life, and raise you my eternal soul!

Girl Watcher #1: O-kay! [ woman approaches them ] Howdy-do! [ she keeps walking ] ..and Howdy-don’t!

Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yeah

Girl Watcher #1: I still haven’t got it!

Girl Watcher #2: Me, neither. Mmm-mmm.. [ spots anotherwoman ] Yow! Jessica Chase!

Girl Watcher #1: A girl I’ve never even spoken to.

Girl Watcher #2: She’s a practicing lawyer, and we’re still living at home.

Girl Watcher #1: I don’t like our chances.

Girl Watcher #2: [ as she walks past ] It’s been a while.. [ she keeps walking ] ..and it’ll be a while.

Girl Watcher #1: Our bodies are starting to deteriorate, and it’s only going to get worse.

Girl Watcher #2: Down we go!

[ they low-five ]

Andy: [ walking up, with a woman by his side ] Hey, fellas.

Girl Watcher #2: Hey, Andy!

Girl Watcher #1: Andy!

Girl Watcher #2: Where’d you get the girl?

Andy: Whoa, down, gentlemen! No cause for celebration. In addition to her bad looks, she’s hard of hearing, emotionally unstable, and not the clean one.

Girl Watcher #1: Does she have a sister?

Andy: Trust me, fellas, there’s no reason for envy.

Girl Watcher #2: No matter. You’re still the luckiest guy we know, who’ll talk to us.

[ Andy walks off ]

Girl Watcher #1: Oh, yes. We’ve sunk pretty far. And our descent continues. How I dread our future.

Girl Watcher #2: Mmm-hmm.

[ a woman walks up ]

Girl Watcher #1: Buenos dias!

[ she keeps walking ]

Together: ..and Buenos noches!

[ they high-five once more ] [ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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