Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 2
88b: Matthew Broderick / The Sugarcubes
Matthew Broderick’s Monologue
…..Matthew Broderick
Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen — Matthew Broderick!
[ Matthew takes center stage as the audience applauds ]
Matthew Broderick: Thanks! Thanks! Thank you very much. Thanks a lot. It’s great to be here. It’s great to be here. I can’t believe I’m finally hosting “Saturday Night Live”. I should tell you, I’m pretty nervous, um, this is my first time doing live television, and it’s a little scary.
[ turns to camera B ]
There are several rules for doing a monologue on a show like this.
[ text appears above him: “TIPS FOR THE MONOLOGUE”, followed by bullet points ]
The first rule is to project vulnerability. You pretend you’re nervous, and it helps get the audience on your side. Also, it’s good to remind them that this is a live show and that anything can happen.
[ turns back to camera A ]
This is a live show, and anything can happen [ touches forehead ] especially when you’re working with a group like this, because after spending a week with these people, I can tell you, this group is crazy.
[ turns to camera B ]
Rule number two: Always say “This group is crazy”. It reinforces the element of danger, and it flatters the writers, makes them feel like they haven’t lost their edge.
[ turns to camera A ]
Boy, let me tell you, live TV is the scariest thing in the world. I mean, if you mess up something on live TV, that’s it. You don’t get to do it three or four times like you get to do in the movies.
[ turns to camera B ]
Rule number three: Always work in a mention of your movie.
[ turns to camera A ]
Speaking of movies, I just completed one. It’s called “Torch Song Trilogy” and it’s opening December 14. [ applause ] I’m feeling — I’m feeling better now and uh, I’m all relaxed and well-rehearsed, and my hands are clean.
[ turns to camera B ]
Rule number four: Employees must wash their hands.
[ turns to camera A ]
So — it’s gonna be a great show. We have the Sugarcubes here, so stick around! We’ll be right back!
[ applause ]
Submitted by: G. Gomez
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