SNL Transcripts: Matthew Broderick: 10/15/88: Matthew Broderick’s Monologue

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 2





88b: Matthew Broderick / The Sugarcubes

Matthew Broderick’s Monologue

…..Matthew Broderick

Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen — Matthew Broderick!

[ Matthew takes center stage as the audience applauds ]

Matthew Broderick: Thanks! Thanks! Thank you very much. Thanks a lot. It’s great to be here. It’s great to be here. I can’t believe I’m finally hosting “Saturday Night Live”. I should tell you, I’m pretty nervous, um, this is my first time doing live television, and it’s a little scary.

[ turns to camera B ]

There are several rules for doing a monologue on a show like this.

[ text appears above him: “TIPS FOR THE MONOLOGUE”, followed by bullet points ]

The first rule is to project vulnerability. You pretend you’re nervous, and it helps get the audience on your side. Also, it’s good to remind them that this is a live show and that anything can happen.

[ turns back to camera A ]

This is a live show, and anything can happen … [ touches forehead ] especially when you’re working with a group like this, because after spending a week with these people, I can tell you, this group is crazy.

[ turns to camera B ]

Rule number two: Always say “This group is crazy”. It reinforces the element of danger, and it flatters the writers, makes them feel like they haven’t lost their edge.

[ turns to camera A ]

Boy, let me tell you, live TV is the scariest thing in the world. I mean, if you mess up something on live TV, that’s it. You don’t get to do it three or four times like you get to do in the movies.

[ turns to camera B ]

Rule number three: Always work in a mention of your movie.

[ turns to camera A ]

Speaking of movies, I just completed one. It’s called “Torch Song Trilogy” and it’s opening December 14. [ applause ] I’m feeling — I’m feeling better now and uh, I’m all relaxed and well-rehearsed, and my hands are clean.

[ turns to camera B ]

Rule number four: Employees must wash their hands.

[ turns to camera A ]

So — it’s gonna be a great show. We have the Sugarcubes here, so stick around! We’ll be right back!

[ applause ]

Submitted by: G. Gomez

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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