Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 5
Businessman’s Chatter Line
Businessman #1 ….. Phil Hartman
Businessman #2 ….. Kevin Nealon
Businessman #3 ….. Jon Lovitz
Businessman #4 ….. Dana Carvey
[ Businessman #1 sits by a window, looking sad. ]
Male V/O: Sometimes, it’s lonely being a businessman. That’s why you need …
[ Cut to the title still. Bouncy techno music plays. ]
Female V/O: Businessman’s Chatter Line!
[ Cut to Businessman #1 on the phone with Businessman #2 ]
Businessman #1: So what color of suit do you like? Blue or gray?
Businessman #2: Well, I think I lean toward gray.
Businessman #1: I like gray, but blue is good too.
Businessman #2: Yes, it is.
Female V/O: Businessman’s Chatter Line can handle up to 14 businessmen at one time.
[ Two other businessmen join the conversation ]
Businessman #3: So, do you live in the city or do you commute?
Businessman #4: Oh, I commute!
Businessman #3: Me too!
Businessman #1: I used to live in the city, but now I commute.
Female V/O: With Businessman’s Chatter Line, you can make crazy new friends!
Businessman #1: So what sports do you guys play?
Businessman #2: Golf.
Businessman #3: Golf.
Businessman #4: I don’t play anything, but I was thinking of taking up golf.
Businessman #1: Yeah, that’s what I play! Golf!
Female V/O: Businessman’s Chatter Line! Dial 1-900-BIZ-TALK. Only five tax-deductible dollars per minute, plus tolls if any.
Male V/O: No non-businessmen, please. Crank calls will be prosecuted.
[ fade to black ]
Submitted by: G. Gomez