SNL Transcripts: Tony Danza: 01/28/89: Tony Danza’s Monologue

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 11



88k: Tony Danza / John Hiatt

Tony Danza’s Monologue

….Tony Danza

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Tony Danza!

[ the audience screams with delight ]

Tony Danza: Sure, sure, anybody’s good after Ted Bundy, I know!

Well, here I am back in New York, my hometown.. and hosting my favorite show “Saturday Night Live”! And, let me tell you, it’s been three years since the last time I was here. You know, I was here three years ago, and a lot has changed for me in three years. I mean, the biggest thing that’s changed for me in three years is, I was single then and I’m married now. And I like marriage, I really like marriage, because in the morning now, I’m waking up instead of coming to! No, really, really, I do, I love marriage, I think it’s my favorite institution! There, honey, I said it, okay?

Also, I have a 20-month old baby girl named Katie. She’s terrific, and tomorrow my son Mark, who’s also terrific, will be 18 years old. 18! Now, look here – 20 months, and 18 years. Is that spacing them out? I’m telling you!

Alright, listen, let me tell you something: it’s the thing that you worry about the most when you do this show, and the thing I worried about most when I hosted last time ws the Monologue. You know, you’re up here all by yourself, and you’re scared, you’re afraid. But the writers told me last time, “Don’t worry – we’ll write something for you, it’ll be funny, you’re gonna love it.” And then, of course, I ended up tap-dancing. Well, this time, I said, “No way, that’s not gonna happen.” I grabbed the writers, I worked with them all week, and so we’re gonna get to the tap-dancing a lot faster this time, alright? So, are you ready for the tap-dance?

[ as audience cheers him on, Danza does his little tap-dance on the stage ]

Okay! Well, look, that’s it, we’ve got a great show tonight, we got John Hiatt and the Garners. So don’t go anywhere, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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