Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 15
Mary Tyler Moore’s Monologue
…..Mary Tyler Moore
Mary Tyler Moore: It is so great to be here. I’m a huge fan of”Saturday Night Live”, and I am thrilled that Elvis Costello is here.. and, yet, it’s a little embarrassing for me tonight, because, as you may have read, a group representing the American Family has urged that the show be boycotted because, apparently, the show did a “comedy” sketch some weeks ago, in which they, uh.. used a.. bad word – 28 times. I didn’t see the show, but apparently that bad word was.. [ grimaces ] ..penis. [ audience gets excited ] Okay. Alright. Enough said! Anyway, this is, you know, a little awkward, because throughout my career I’ve been associated with the best in family entertainment. But I’m from the school of show business that saysthat when you give your word you’ll do something, you do it. Since I agreed to host the show in January.. well, here I am.[ still mulling over the referenced sketch ]
28 times.. I mean, how can you say.. well, I’m sure they’ve got their reasons. I guess I just don’t get political satire. So.. I’m here, I’m doing the show, and I guarantee that the “bad word” will not be used tonight. Not that I’m a prude or anything – no, far from it! It’s just that I believe there’s a time and a place for everything, right? The time for family entertainment is when the entire family is gather around the televsion set, no matter what the hour, day or night. The time for the other tihng is.. when you’re in your bedroom.. with your married partner.. the door bolted.. watching a porno film on the VCR. Not that I have ever watched a porno film, you know? But if I did, that’s the way I would do it. I don’t know.. I guess I am a little old-fashioned.
Anyway, don’t let what I’ve been talking about concern you in the least. I am just glad I got that off my mind. Now I can concentrate on doing a great show! Elvis Costello’s penis is here tonight, so stick around, we’ll be right back!