Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 16
Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist
Other Patient…..Bonnie Turner
Dream Gynecologist…..Mel Gibson
Miss Stevenson…..Christine Zander
Mrs. Scott…..Nora Dunn
Dr. Green…..Jon Lovitz
[ open on a larger than necessary group of women sitting in a waiting room ]
Colleen: I’m Colleen Walsh, and I have a 10 o’clock appointment with the doctor. I’m a new patient.
Secretary: Take a number.
Colleen: Take a number? Wow.. Okay. [ takes number and sits down ]
Secretary: [ answers phone ] Yes? No, I’m sorry, the doctor’sbooked solid. No, I wouldn’t advise just coming and waiting. No, wenever get a cancellation. [ hangs up ]
Colleen: Boy, this doctor’s busy, huh?
Other Patient: Oh, yeah.
Colleen: I hope I don’t have to wait long, or I know I’ll chicken out. I hate going to the gynecologist, don’t you?
Other Patient: [ shakes head ] Not really.
Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist: [ steps out of his office ] Uh.. Miss Stevenson?[ title graphic appears over Mel Gibson ]
Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist: And now, another episode of MelGibson: Dream Gynecologist.[ Miss Stevenson brushes her hair before approaching the doctor ]
Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist: I hope you didn’t have to waittoo long.
Miss Stevenson: Oh, no, not at all! [ hurries into the office ]
Colleen: [ looking on ] Oh.[ Mrs. Scott exits the doctor’s office, looking wholly fulfilled, andrushes to the Secretary’s station ]
Mrs. Scott: I’d like to book my next appointment now, please.
Secretary: Good idea, Mrs. Scott. Okay, the doctor can see youin six months..
Mrs. Scott: No! Next week!
Secretary: [ sighing ] Please, Mrs. Scott. We go through thisevery time.
Mrs. Scott: I need another breast exam!
Secretary: You just had one.
Mrs. Scott: I’m extremely cautious!
Secretary: Okay, look – September 4th, six months from now. Take it or leave it.
Mrs. Scott: Alright, alright.. [ exits the lobby ]
Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist: [ stepping out ] Ladies, I just.. [ all the women moan and sigh ] I just want ot say, I’m sorry we’re running a little late today. It seems we’re running late every day. I just didn’t foresee the practice growing this quickly..
Women: That’s okay.. that’s okay..
Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist: So today I’ve added a new doctor.. Dr. Green.. [ Dr. Green steps out ] ..Dr. Green will be available for anybody who would like to see him, and you can avoid me. So, just feel free to give your name to him.. [ retreats to his office ]
Dr. Green: Next. [ no response ] Well.. I’ll, uh.. be in my office all afternoon..
Announcer: Join us next week for Mel Gibson: Dream Gynecologist.[ fade ]