Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 16
Mel Gibson’s Monologue
Mel Gibson: Thank you very much for that! It’s great to be here. Actually, it’s kind of weird to be here, I’m not really accustomed to doing TV. Uh, see, basically I’m a movie star. But that’s a great job, though – you travel around the world, you work with beautiful women, you drive fast cars, and they pay you ridiculous amounts of money.
And this is the good bit – this part will really kill you – I don’t have to work very hard. And it’s fun. I do my own stunts. If you see my character jump from a building, hey that’s me; and when you see me land, that’s the stunt man.
Now, before I was a movie star, I had other jobs, you know, low-paying, menial jobs. And I can tell you the best job I ever had was being a professional movie star. Because, as a movie star, I get paid a ridiculous amount of money and I don’t have to work that hard. So, to sum it all up, being a movie star – high reward, low effort. Now, for this show, I’m getting paid next to nothing, and it’s been a tremendous amount of hard work, so right away I know I don’t like television. And, as I stand here, I realize that, in a live broadcast like this, something could go terribly wrong, and I could end up alienating millions of movie-going patrons.
Basically, hosting “Saturday Night Live” is, for me – high risk, low reward. As opposed to movies, which is, once again – high reward, low effort. And you may be wondering why I would jeopardize all that I have worked for.. [ laughs ] ..well, actually, it’s just fallen into my lap.
Is it because I want to stretch as an actor? No, no, that would be work. Is it because I really love comedy? Well, no, no, not particularly. So why did I agree to host this show? Because sometimes I just don’t think things through. I mean, if someone calls and says, “Hey, you wanna host ‘Saturday Night Live’?”, I say, “Sure!” without even considering the potentially disastrous effect on my real job – a movie star.
So, if tonight I should appear inadequate, ordinary, not larger-than-life, or, at worst, un-movie star-like, just say to yourslef, “Hey, he might not be a great TV star, but I just can’t wait to see him in “Lethal Weapon 6”.
Well, we’ve got a great show tonight, and Danny Glover is here – he is. And I can tell you, because I talked to him, that he feels pretty much the way that I do about all this. Living Colour is here, so stick around, we’ll be right back.