SNL Transcripts: Dolly Parton: 04/15/89: Sprockets


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 14: Episode 16

88q: Dolly Parton


Dieter…..Mike Myers
Butch Patrick…..Ben Stiller

Dieter: Velcome to “Sprockets”. I am your host, Dieter. This veek ve explore the latest phenomenon on German television. It is, of course, “The Munsters” – a brilliant satire of a post-nuclear American society. Monsters of an American dream turn to nightmare. It is pure Americanist culture, and I love it. Ve have with us in the studio tonight, the boy who played Eddie Munster, Butch Patrick. Please welcome Butch Patrick – Eddie Munster. [ Butch Patrick walks out, smoking a cigarette ] Hello, Eddie. “The Munsters” are very popular in Germany, and you have become a celebrity here. Are you surprised?

Butch Patrick: Oh, God.. well, I’ll tell you, Dieter – the show went off the air in ’66, so it has been a bit of a dry spell for me. And, when I heard the kids were starting to watch the show over here in Germany, I figured, well.. you gotta go with the heat. You know? I mean, as actors we’re nomads, so I got over here as quickly as possible.

Dieter: Eddie, it has been said of “The Munsters” that they are both crime and magic.

Butch Patrick: [ perplexed by the statement ] Yeah, well.. I think the real crime is that we were cancelled. I mean, we were getting ratings.. they’d never seen numbers like that, and then to just go and pull the plug out of nowhere – I think someone very high up got a little scared, or something, and uh..

Dieter: Vhat vas it like to vork with Fred Gwynne – Herman Munster?

Butch Patrick: A freak! An 8-foot freak! Actually, it’s a very funny story about Gwynne. You know, he had the flattop, the thing he wore on the show, right.. So one morning I walked into make-up..

Dieter: [ interrupting ] Your story has become tiresome. Eddie,Susan Sontex said of “The Munsters” that they lie at 24 frames per second. [ Eddie looks confused ] It is obvious that your so-called cousin Marilyn, who is an innocent surrounded by monsters, was a reference to another American icon – Marilyn Monroe.

Butch Patrick: Well, really, I don’t know about that stuff.. I mean.. I guess everyone had their thing on the show, you know.. uh.. Grandpa was a vampire; my mother was a vampire; my father was a Frankenstein; and I was.. uh.. I don’t know what the hell I was.

Dieter: I read somewhere that Marilyn left the show “under a cloud”.

Butch Patrick: [ laughing ] Under a cloud! She was under half the sound crew! I joke with her. If I was.. ooh.. ten years older at the time..

Dieter: To me, Eddie was an every vampire.

Butch Patrick: Oh, well, again.. vampire.. I’d like to stay away from that thing.. But, yeah, there was definitely something about Eddie that struck a chord, that went right to the heart of what it meant to be an 8-year-old – whatever the hell I was – growing up in America in the 1960’s.

Dieter: Can I touch your widow’s peak? It is most bizarre.

Butch Patrick: Uh.. okay..

Dieter: [ reaches in and touches Butch’s hair ] Textures interest me. Do you want to touch my monkey? [ indicates his monkey sitting on a pedestal ]

Butch Patrick: [ dumbfounded ] Touch your monkey? I..

Dieter: Touch it!

Butch Patrick: Uh.. really, no..

Dieter: Touch the monkey! I’d like you to touch it!

Butch Patrick: [ giving in ] Okay! Alright! [ stands up and walks over to the monkey ] Hey, monkey.. hey.. [ the monkey bites his finger ] Ouch! He bit me! Ow, I’m bleeding! Could I get a bandage, or something? Please? Agh!

Dieter: I would have liked to have seen you play Eddie completely covered in sores.

Butch Patrick: What?! Sores?

Dieter: Abrasions. Lesions.

Butch Patrick: What the hell is wrong with you? Huh?!

Dieter: Now is the time on “Sprockets” vhen ve dance. [ gets up and dances with fellow Germans ]

Butch Patrick: Hey, I’m getting out of here, alright? ‘Cause I’ve gotta get a bandage, or something.. you German creeps! [ walks off ]

Dieter: That’s it for this veek of “Sprockets”. My guest has been Eddie Munster, Butch Patrick. My name is Dieter. Auf weidersehen!

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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R Simmons
R Simmons
4 months ago

I wish I could find this original skit. It was hilarious.

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