Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 16
Sprockets
Dieter…..Mike Myers
Butch Patrick…..Ben Stiller
Dieter: Velcome to “Sprockets”. I am your host, Dieter. This veek ve explore the latest phenomenon on German television. It is, of course, “The Munsters” – a brilliant satire of a post-nuclear American society. Monsters of an American dream turn to nightmare. It is pure Americanist culture, and I love it. Ve have with us in the studio tonight, the boy who played Eddie Munster, Butch Patrick. Please welcome Butch Patrick – Eddie Munster. [ Butch Patrick walks out, smoking a cigarette ] Hello, Eddie. “The Munsters” are very popular in Germany, and you have become a celebrity here. Are you surprised?
Butch Patrick: Oh, God.. well, I’ll tell you, Dieter – the show went off the air in ’66, so it has been a bit of a dry spell for me. And, when I heard the kids were starting to watch the show over here in Germany, I figured, well.. you gotta go with the heat. You know? I mean, as actors we’re nomads, so I got over here as quickly as possible.
Dieter: Eddie, it has been said of “The Munsters” that they are both crime and magic.
Butch Patrick: [ perplexed by the statement ] Yeah, well.. I think the real crime is that we were cancelled. I mean, we were getting ratings.. they’d never seen numbers like that, and then to just go and pull the plug out of nowhere – I think someone very high up got a little scared, or something, and uh..
Dieter: Vhat vas it like to vork with Fred Gwynne – Herman Munster?
Butch Patrick: A freak! An 8-foot freak! Actually, it’s a very funny story about Gwynne. You know, he had the flattop, the thing he wore on the show, right.. So one morning I walked into make-up..
Dieter: [ interrupting ] Your story has become tiresome. Eddie,Susan Sontex said of “The Munsters” that they lie at 24 frames per second. [ Eddie looks confused ] It is obvious that your so-called cousin Marilyn, who is an innocent surrounded by monsters, was a reference to another American icon – Marilyn Monroe.
Butch Patrick: Well, really, I don’t know about that stuff.. I mean.. I guess everyone had their thing on the show, you know.. uh.. Grandpa was a vampire; my mother was a vampire; my father was a Frankenstein; and I was.. uh.. I don’t know what the hell I was.
Dieter: I read somewhere that Marilyn left the show “under a cloud”.
Butch Patrick: [ laughing ] Under a cloud! She was under half the sound crew! I joke with her. If I was.. ooh.. ten years older at the time..
Dieter: To me, Eddie was an every vampire.
Butch Patrick: Oh, well, again.. vampire.. I’d like to stay away from that thing.. But, yeah, there was definitely something about Eddie that struck a chord, that went right to the heart of what it meant to be an 8-year-old – whatever the hell I was – growing up in America in the 1960’s.
Dieter: Can I touch your widow’s peak? It is most bizarre.
Butch Patrick: Uh.. okay..
Dieter: [ reaches in and touches Butch’s hair ] Textures interest me. Do you want to touch my monkey? [ indicates his monkey sitting on a pedestal ]
Butch Patrick: [ dumbfounded ] Touch your monkey? I..
Dieter: Touch it!
Butch Patrick: Uh.. really, no..
Dieter: Touch the monkey! I’d like you to touch it!
Butch Patrick: [ giving in ] Okay! Alright! [ stands up and walks over to the monkey ] Hey, monkey.. hey.. [ the monkey bites his finger ] Ouch! He bit me! Ow, I’m bleeding! Could I get a bandage, or something? Please? Agh!
Dieter: I would have liked to have seen you play Eddie completely covered in sores.
Butch Patrick: What?! Sores?
Dieter: Abrasions. Lesions.
Butch Patrick: What the hell is wrong with you? Huh?!
Dieter: Now is the time on “Sprockets” vhen ve dance. [ gets up and dances with fellow Germans ]
Butch Patrick: Hey, I’m getting out of here, alright? ‘Cause I’ve gotta get a bandage, or something.. you German creeps! [ walks off ]
Dieter: That’s it for this veek of “Sprockets”. My guest has been Eddie Munster, Butch Patrick. My name is Dieter. Auf weidersehen!
[ fade to black ]
