SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 05/20/89: A Message From the President of the United States

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 14: Episode 20

88t: Steve Martin / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

A Message From the President of the United States

President George Bush…..Dana Carvey

Announcer: Now, from the White House, the President of the United States.

President George Bush: Good evening. I want to thank the networks for granting me this time to talk about inflation – halfway around the world. I’m talking about China, where a wind is blowing – excuse me.. excuse me.. – a breeze. Can’t call it a wind – not enough in-for-ma-tion. A breeze of democracy in China. You know, Bar and I spent some time in China, and one thing about the Chinese people.. well.. they’re good! Good people!

China – gonna become democratized or not, can’t tell ya, not enough in-for-ma-tion. Not gonna be drawn into that at this junc-ture. Why? Because I’ve got responsibilities. President. 119 days in the White House – still lots to do, lots of work done. Repainting, floors sanded – you betcha! Polyurethane, defective wiring replaced.. Dan Quayle still gaining acceptance. Bush Family dog’s happy. Yes sir, good story on it, cover of Life Magazine.. Bar there, right on that cover. President’s dog, gotta be a happy life, you know?

Crime in the streets of America. Thugs and punks ruining our neighborhoods – it’s bad! It’s bad! There are those who say I should go out on those streets, see the problem firsthand. Not gonna do it! Not going up to Harlem alone, late at night – wouldn’t be prudent! You know, the Coast Guard down there, doing what they do, guarding the coast – the entire coast guarded.

Once again, that breeze of democracy, blowing around like it does, going around and around, swirling out there, going, ready to cross that ocean, out over there to Panama. That’s right – Panama – and that thug, Mr. Noriega. I know all about General Manuel Noriega. Knew the man when I was down there, as part of that Reagan-Bush team. Never talked to him, never met him. No, sir. Just watched him from a distance – spied on him. Always behind him, lurking around behind some shrubery, crouching down. Never met the man face-to-face, you know? Never part of any drugs-for-weapons deal! Wouldn’t be prudent!

So, to sum up: breeze, White House, China, Bar and the dog – good! Thugs, crime, acid rain – bad! Noriega – don’t know him.

Now, they’re trying to drag me into that “Live, from New York” thing, that old deal they got every week down there. Not gonna do it. Not gonna go out there and say, “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Niiiight!

SNL Transcripts

Notify of