SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 05/20/89: Get To Know Me



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 20





88t: Steve Martin / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Get To Know Me

…..Jon Lovitz
…..Paulina Poriskova
…..Don Pardo
Lee Iacocca…..Phil Hartman
…..Steve Martin

[ open on Jon Lovitz sitting at a table in the russian Tea Room with Paulina Poriskova ]

Jon Lovitz: Hello, I’m Job Lovitz, and I’m having lunch in the Russian Tea Room with the most beautiful woman in the world – Paulina! Well, we can’t all be me. But if you’d like to fulfill your dream like I did, then I have one piece of advice for you – Get To Know Me! When did I chip my tooth? Why do I drain my foot? Where is my extra bone? Get To Know Me! Got to go – listen to him!

Don Pardo: Hello! Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I was stuck in a room reading voiceovers I could barely understand! And then, I got to know him, and now I get to be on TV! And today, they call me.. Don Pardo!

Jon Lovitz: Get To Know Me! Why do I never wear a hat? Why was I banned from Bangkok? Why do women call me “The Anchor”?

Paulina Poriskova: You.. stud! You gorgeous hunk of male flesh.

Jon Lovitz: [ to the camera ] Yes! [ to Paulina ] Uh.. a little lower and to the left. Get To Know Me! Still wondering if you should? Then listen to him!

Lee Iacocca: Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I couldn’t get a job to save my life! And today, they call me.. Lee Iacocca! Get to know him! And buy a Chrysler..

Don Pardo: It works, I tell you, it works!

Jon Lovitz: Get out, I tell you, get out! Get To Know Me! Why do girls speak to me? Do I shave my eyebrows in the middle? Get To Know Me! And now, a final testimonial, from a man who speaks the truth!

Steve Martin: Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I was a two-bit comic with an arrow stuck through my head! And then, I got to know him, and now I just starred in a movie called “Parenthood”, directed by Opie! And today, they call me.. Steve Martin!

Jon Lovitz: Thank you.

Steve Martin: Thank you!

Lee Iacocca: It’s true, I tell you, it’s true! Buy a Chrsyler..

Paulina Poriskova: He’s a stud!

Steve Martin: I might do a movie directed by Potsie!

Don Pardo: I’m on TV!

Jon Lovitz: Get To Know Me!!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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