Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 14: Episode 20
Get To Know Me
Lee Iacocca…..Phil Hartman
[ open on Jon Lovitz sitting at a table in the russian Tea Room with Paulina Poriskova ]
Jon Lovitz: Hello, I’m Job Lovitz, and I’m having lunch in the Russian Tea Room with the most beautiful woman in the world – Paulina! Well, we can’t all be me. But if you’d like to fulfill your dream like I did, then I have one piece of advice for you – Get To Know Me! When did I chip my tooth? Why do I drain my foot? Where is my extra bone? Get To Know Me! Got to go – listen to him!
Don Pardo: Hello! Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I was stuck in a room reading voiceovers I could barely understand! And then, I got to know him, and now I get to be on TV! And today, they call me.. Don Pardo!
Jon Lovitz: Get To Know Me! Why do I never wear a hat? Why was I banned from Bangkok? Why do women call me “The Anchor”?
Paulina Poriskova: You.. stud! You gorgeous hunk of male flesh.
Jon Lovitz: [ to the camera ] Yes! [ to Paulina ] Uh.. a little lower and to the left. Get To Know Me! Still wondering if you should? Then listen to him!
Lee Iacocca: Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I couldn’t get a job to save my life! And today, they call me.. Lee Iacocca! Get to know him! And buy a Chrysler..
Don Pardo: It works, I tell you, it works!
Jon Lovitz: Get out, I tell you, get out! Get To Know Me! Why do girls speak to me? Do I shave my eyebrows in the middle? Get To Know Me! And now, a final testimonial, from a man who speaks the truth!
Steve Martin: Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I was a two-bit comic with an arrow stuck through my head! And then, I got to know him, and now I just starred in a movie called “Parenthood”, directed by Opie! And today, they call me.. Steve Martin!
Jon Lovitz: Thank you.
Steve Martin: Thank you!
Lee Iacocca: It’s true, I tell you, it’s true! Buy a Chrsyler..
Paulina Poriskova: He’s a stud!
Steve Martin: I might do a movie directed by Potsie!
Don Pardo: I’m on TV!
Jon Lovitz: Get To Know Me!!