SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 05/20/89: Get To Know Me



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 20





88t: Steve Martin / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Get To Know Me

…..Jon Lovitz
…..Paulina Poriskova
…..Don Pardo
Lee Iacocca…..Phil Hartman
…..Steve Martin

[ open on Jon Lovitz sitting at a table in the russian Tea Room with Paulina Poriskova ]

Jon Lovitz: Hello, I’m Job Lovitz, and I’m having lunch in the Russian Tea Room with the most beautiful woman in the world – Paulina! Well, we can’t all be me. But if you’d like to fulfill your dream like I did, then I have one piece of advice for you – Get To Know Me! When did I chip my tooth? Why do I drain my foot? Where is my extra bone? Get To Know Me! Got to go – listen to him!

Don Pardo: Hello! Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I was stuck in a room reading voiceovers I could barely understand! And then, I got to know him, and now I get to be on TV! And today, they call me.. Don Pardo!

Jon Lovitz: Get To Know Me! Why do I never wear a hat? Why was I banned from Bangkok? Why do women call me “The Anchor”?

Paulina Poriskova: You.. stud! You gorgeous hunk of male flesh.

Jon Lovitz: [ to the camera ] Yes! [ to Paulina ] Uh.. a little lower and to the left. Get To Know Me! Still wondering if you should? Then listen to him!

Lee Iacocca: Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I couldn’t get a job to save my life! And today, they call me.. Lee Iacocca! Get to know him! And buy a Chrysler..

Don Pardo: It works, I tell you, it works!

Jon Lovitz: Get out, I tell you, get out! Get To Know Me! Why do girls speak to me? Do I shave my eyebrows in the middle? Get To Know Me! And now, a final testimonial, from a man who speaks the truth!

Steve Martin: Before I got to know Jon, I was nothing, nowhere, nobody! I was a two-bit comic with an arrow stuck through my head! And then, I got to know him, and now I just starred in a movie called “Parenthood”, directed by Opie! And today, they call me.. Steve Martin!

Jon Lovitz: Thank you.

Steve Martin: Thank you!

Lee Iacocca: It’s true, I tell you, it’s true! Buy a Chrsyler..

Paulina Poriskova: He’s a stud!

Steve Martin: I might do a movie directed by Potsie!

Don Pardo: I’m on TV!

Jon Lovitz: Get To Know Me!!

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