Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 15: Episode 2
89b: Rick Moranis / Rickie Lee Jones
Wild Horse
Stableboy…..Rick Moranis
Chet…..Phil Hartman
Rancher…..Kevin Nealon
Little Indian Boy…..Mike Myers
Miss Parsons…..Nora Dunn
[ open on two cowboys eyeballing a wild horse from the safe side of the fence ]
Stableboy: You’re gonna do it, ain’t ya, Chet! You’re gonna ride ‘er! You’re gonna ride that big mare, ain’t ya, Chet! You’re gonna do it, you’re gonna break that big, wild mare! You’re gonna ride Sheba, Chet! No one’s ever done it, but you’re gonna do it, Chet! You’re gonna do it, ain’t ya!
[ stock footage shows the mare resisting the Rancher’s tug ]
[ back at the fence, the Rancher appears on-camera tugging at the off-screen horse ]
Rancher: Give me a wider whip than that! I can’t hold on to it much longer! [ Chet steps forward, determination in his eyes ] I’d be careful, Mr. Matsen, this is one dangerous horse!
Chet: We’ll see.. [ walks offscreen to ride the wild horse ]
Stableboy: You’re gonna do it, ain’t ya, Chet! You’re gonna ride Sheba!
[ Chet is shown bouncing wildly through the air as he “rides” Sheba ]
Chet: [ screaming ] Help me!! Somebody please get me off!!
[ back at the fence, we see Chet’s body crash into the gate after being thrown by Sheba ]
[ show stock footage of Sheba jumping wildly ]
[ at the fence, Chet stands up, shaking fiercely ]
Stableboy: Are you alright, Chet?! Are you okay?!
Chet: I don’t know!! I’m scared, I’m shook up, I was CRAZY to get on that HORSE!!
Stableboy: Mr. Matsen, maybe it’s not my place.. I mean.. I know I’m just a stableboy and all, but.. I’d like to try and ride that horse!
Chet: WHAT?!! YOU ride her?!
Stableboy: Yeah! [ runs towards the horse ]
Chet: No! Jimmy! No, Jimmy, don’t!
[ Stableboy is shown bouncing wildly through the air as he “rides” Sheba ]
Stableboy: Oh, no..! Somebody please.. help me! Nooo!! Somebody please get me off this thing!
[ back at the fence, we see Stableboy’s body crash into the gate after being thrown by Sheba ]
[ show stock footage of Sheba jumping wildly ]
[ at the fence, Chet helps Stableboy to his feet ]
Chet: I told ya he’s mean! I told ya he’s mean!
Stableboy: What was I thinking, Chet! I’m just a stableboy! I coulda been killed, ain’t that right!
Chet: [ points ] Hey! Hey, look!
Stableboy: It’s that little Indian boy from the reservation, ain’t it?
Chet: Yeah! And he’s getting on that horse! Hey! Get away from there!
[ Little Indian Boy is shown bouncing wildly through the air as he “rides” Sheba ]
Little Indian Boy: Whoa! Whoa! Get me off of this thing, please! Please!
[ back at the fence, we see Little Indian Boy’s body crash into the gate after being thrown by Sheba ]
Little Indian Boy: Me insane to get on horse like that! Me not even have that good rapport with animals in general!
[ Miss Parsons enters ]
Miss Parsons: What’s going on here?
Chet: It’s that horse! She won’t let us ride her!
Miss Parsons: [ grins ] Well, now, ain’t this a purty sight! Well, if there ain’t a man here that can break that nag, guessin’ I’m just gonna have to ride ‘er!
Chet: [ trembling ] I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Miss Parsons, I.. please, Miss Parsons..
[ Miss Parsons is shown bouncing wildly through the air as he “rides” Sheba ]
Miss Parsons: [ screaming ] Aaaaggghhhhh!! Get me off this thing! Get ‘er off of me!!
[ back at the fence, we see Miss Parsons’ body crash into the gate after being thrown by Sheba ]
[ show stock footage of Sheba jumping wildly ]
[ at the fence, Miss Parsons is helped to her feet ]
Stableboy: Miss Parsons! Are you okay?!
Little Indian Boy: Me not think anybody able to tame that horse!
Chet: Maybe not anybody.. but what about anything? Look!
[ show second horse grazing in the grass next to a calm Sheba ]
Miss Parsons: Well, I’ll be! I guess we were just using the wrong approach!
Stableboy: Hey! They’re lovebirds, ain’t they! That’s what they are, lovebirds, ain’t they!
Little Indian Boy: [ points ] Look! Big Studly is trying mate with Wild Mare!
Miss Parsons: Look out!!
[ thrown by Sheba, Big Studly crashes on the gate in front of the group ]
[ fade out ]
