SNL Transcripts: Chris Evert: 11/11/89: Colon Blow

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 5

89e: Chris Evert / Eurythmics

Colon Blow

Man…..Phil Hartman

[ fade in on a man at a table, eating oat bran cereal from a bowl ]

Announcer: Hold it! Is that what you’re havingfor breakfast?

Man: Sure, haven’t you heard? Fiber is really good for you.

Announcer: Well, there’s fiber, and then there’s high fiber. Try this.

[ offstage hands replace cereal box with Colon Blow cereal box ]

Man: Hmm.. Colon Blow. Sounds delicious. But is it really higher in fiber than my oat bran cereal?

Announcer: Take a guess: How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Colon Blow?

Man: Two?

Announcer: Guess again.

Man: Three?

Announcer: A little higher.

Man: Four?

Announcer: Keep trying.

Man: Five?

Announcer: No, you’ll have to do better than that.

Man: Seven?

Announcer: Guess again.

Man: Eight?

Announcer: We’ll give you one more guess.

Man: Nine.

Announcer: Not even close. [ table starts shaking ] It would take over 30,000 bowls. [ a giant pyramid of cereal bowls shoots up from under the man, who yells in terror as it rises ] To eat that much oat bran, you’d have to eat ten bowls a day, every day for eight and a half years.

Man: [ after the pyramid settles; shouts from afar ] Wow! I think I get the picture! Colon Blow must be the highest fiber cereal on the market!

Announcer: Not any more, now that there’s new Super Colon Blow.

Man: Super Colon Blow?

[ pyramid rises even higher with the man screaming ]

Announcer: It would take over two and a half million bowls of your oat bran cereal to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Super Colon Blow.

[ pyramid settles ]

Man: [ overwhelmed ]I’m convinced! [ looks down the pyramid in panic ] [ cut to close-up of bowl with Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow boxes ]

Jingle: “Colon Blow and you-u-u-u in the morning”

Announcer: Colon Blow and new Super Colon Blow.

Voiceover: Warning: may cause abdominal distention. Consult a physician.

[ fade to black ]

Submitted by: Rob Holtman

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