SNL Transcripts: John Goodman: 12/02/89: John Goodman’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 7

89g: John Goodman / k.d. lang

John Goodman’s Monologue

…..John Goodman
Roseanne Barr…..Victoria Jackson
…..Lorne Michaels
…..Nora Dunn
…..Phil Hartman
…..Jan Hooks
Audience Member…..Conan O’Brien

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — John Goodman!

John Goodman: Thank you very much, woah Saturday Night Live. I have had an incredible year I made two movies “Sea of Love” [audience cheers] plus “Always” with Richard Dreyfus. Also, five weeks ago, I got married. [audience cheers and applauds]

John Goodman: I took the plunge. My wife is here tonight. That’s my brother next to her, and his girl Jean. Hi, honey. [audience cheers and applauds] We haven’t even had a honeymoon yet. I came right here from the wedding, I have been working on the show all week. Can’t wait till one o’clock, heard great things about sex. Course the high point of the year has to be working on “Roseanne”. [audience cheers and applauds] Oh, what can I say about Roseanne Arnold, she’s a hell of a lady, she’s funny, generous, and as a matter of fact, she came here tonight to wish me luck. She’s backstage right now. Roseanne, if you can hear me: I love you, honey.

[cut to Lorne Michaels and Roseanne Barr]

Lorne Michaels: Roseanne, I can’t tell what a thrill it is to have a big star like you this close to our studio.

Roseanne Barr: Thanks, it’s really great to be here and all that crap and everything. (chuckles) So Lorne, aren’t you supposed to be out there helping John or something?

Lorne Michaels: Oh yeah, he will be fine [turns off TV] would you like some more coffee cake or something?

Roseanne Barr: Sure.

Lorne Michaels: Right over here.

Roseanne Barr: Oh this is really good, I like…

[cut back to John at home base]

John Goodman: And if Lorne Michaels ever calls and asks you to host this show — and I’m sure he will eventually get to all of you — say yes, because it’s great. Everybody’s made me feel special and important and we’ve been like one big family. You know, you’re always saying the show is like a family, and it really is. Yeah and I’m like…

[cut back to Roseanne signing autographs]

Nora Dunn: Take one of me and Jan together please.

Roseanne Barr: I think you are so great, I watch the show all the time and it’s really good. I love your Donahue it’s really great.

Jon Lovitz: Hi, I’m Jon Lovitz, big fan. Do you have any movies coming out?

Roseanne Barr: Oh, I don’t know…

Audience Member: Miss Barr Miss Barr, I was in the audience and I heard that you were backstage. I’d love to get your autograph.

Roseanne Barr: Oh, I’m kind of busy. Like, why don’t you just write Roseanne and I’d put my initials on it. [laughs] [cut back to John at home base]

John Goodman: Comfortable, honey? Thanks for coming, we got a great show, sweetheart. k.d. lang & The Reclines are here. [audience applauds] We got her album, remember? [pause] You remember that, don’t you? Don’t go away, please. We will be right back.

Submitted by: Joey Salazar

SNL Transcripts | Special Cable TV Promotions |

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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