Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 15: Episode 7
John Goodman’s Monologue
Roseanne Barr…..Victoria Jackson
Audience Member…..Conan OBrien
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — John Goodman!
John Goodman: Thank you very much, woah Saturday Night Live. I have had an incredible year I made two movies “Sea of Love” [audience cheers] plus “Always” with Richard Dreyfus. Also, five weeks ago, I got married. [audience cheers and applauds]
John Goodman: I took the plunge. My wife is here tonight. Thats my brother next to her, and his girl Jean. Hi, honey. [audience cheers and applauds] We haven’t even had a honeymoon yet. I came right here from the wedding, I have been working on the show all week. Cant wait till one oclock, heard great things about sex. Course the high point of the year has to be working on “Roseanne”. [audience cheers and applauds] Oh, what can I say about Roseanne Arnold, shes a hell of a lady, shes funny, generous, and as a matter of fact, she came here tonight to wish me luck. Shes backstage right now. Roseanne, if you can hear me: I love you, honey.[cut to Lorne Michaels and Roseanne Barr]
Lorne Michaels: Roseanne, I cant tell what a thrill it is to have a big star like you this close to our studio.
Roseanne Barr: Thanks, its really great to be here and all that crap and everything. (chuckles) So Lorne, arent you supposed to be out there helping John or something?
Lorne Michaels: Oh yeah, he will be fine [turns off TV] would you like some more coffee cake or something?
Roseanne Barr: Sure.
Lorne Michaels: Right over here.
Roseanne Barr: Oh this is really good, I like[cut back to John at home base]
John Goodman: And if Lorne Michaels ever calls and asks you to host this show — and Im sure he will eventually get to all of you — say yes, because its great. Everybodys made me feel special and important and we’ve been like one big family. You know, you’re always saying the show is like a family, and it really is. Yeah and Im like…[cut back to Roseanne signing autographs]
Nora Dunn: Take one of me and Jan together please.
Roseanne Barr: I think you are so great, I watch the show all the time and its really good. I love your Donahue its really great.
Jon Lovitz: Hi, Im Jon Lovitz, big fan. Do you have any movies coming out?
Roseanne Barr: Oh, I dont know
Audience Member: Miss Barr Miss Barr, I was in the audience and I heard that you were backstage. Id love to get your autograph.
Roseanne Barr: Oh, Im kind of busy. Like, why dont you just write Roseanne and Id put my initials on it. [laughs] [cut back to John at home base]
John Goodman: Comfortable, honey? Thanks for coming, we got a great show, sweetheart. k.d. lang & The Reclines are here. [audience applauds] We got her album, remember? [pause] You remember that, dont you? Dont go away, please. We will be right back.
Submitted by: Joey Salazar