SNL Transcripts: Robert Wagner: 12/09/89: David Rockefeller


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 8

89h: Robert Wagner / Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville

David Rockefeller

David Rockefeller … Phil Hartman

[We see a lovely view of the giant Christmas tree atRockefeller Center at night and hear a solemninstrumental version of “Silent Night” — after amoment, gray-haired zillionaire David Rockefellerappears and addresses the camera with his upper classaccent.]

David Rockefeller: Hello. I’m DavidRockefeller. A few weeks ago, my family sold thecontrolling interest in Rockefeller Center to theMitsubishi Corporation of Japan. Since then, there’sbeen a public outcry from people who are distraughtthat we’re selling off our architectural treasures tothe Japanese. It seems there’s a perception that theJapanese are some “evil empire” to be feared anddistrusted. Well, I just want to reassure the Americanpeople that the Rockefeller empire is every bit asevil. … Probably more so!

After all, my grandfather, John D. the First, builtour family fortune on corruption, thievery, blackmail,murder, and the exploitation of common working people.Now, my father may be of interest to those of you inlabor unions. Why, one time, he sent his men down to acamp of striking coal miners and they drove through inan armored car and machine-gunned the whole area,setting it on fire. Now, weren’t you a little quick tojudge those Mitsubishi people? …

Dad hated everyone. And, if he were alive, he’dhate you. … He would! I do! … So,the next time the Japanese buy some institution thatyou hold dear, let’s remember that you shouldn’t bejudged by the color of your skin — but, rather, bythe blackness of your soul. … Good night and merryChristmas and — I’m evil.

[Applause. Fade out on a grinning DavidRockefeller.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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