Quincy Jones: 02/10/90: Dr. Fulton


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 12

89l: Quincy Jones / Tevin Campbell, Andrae Crouch, Sandra Crouch, Kool Moe Dee, Big Daddy Kane

Dr. Fulton

Dr. Fulton…..Quincy Jones
Patient…..Phil Hartman

[ Establishing shot of office entrance. Close-up shot of sign: “Wallace R. Fulton – M.D., P.C., Psychiatry.” Inside, a grief-stricken patient sits on the couch, holding a handkerchief and sniffling. Dr. Fulton sits in an armchair with a note pad. ]

Patient: (sniff) I’m, I’m sorry. What was I talking about?

Dr. Fulton: Your ex-wife.

[ A piano slowly begins playing 12-bar F-scale blues along with the patient’s words. ]

Patient: Oh yeah. You rem– you remember I said my ex-wife called last Sunday, to let me know she’s having an affair?

Dr. Fulton: Yes, I remember.

Patient: Well, she called again this Sunday, to make sure I knew she was having an affair.

Dr. Fulton: How does that make you feel?

Patient: Well God knows I hate the woman, but down inside there’s still a piece of me that cares.

Dr. Fulton: So, how are you dealing with it?

[ The piano continues playing into his second “verse”, becoming more prominent as he goes on. ]

Patient: Well, I didn’t go to work on Monday … I watched TV all day in bed.

Dr. Fulton: Is that the way you always react to her calls?

Patient: Well yes, she calls and tells me she’s happy, and … I usually watch TV all day in bed.

Dr. Fulton: Why does her happiness bother you so much?

Patient: Makes me feel like I have nothing … and no one cares if I’m alive or dead.

Dr. Fulton: What about your relationship with Amy?

[ The piano tune reaches its full 6/8 tempo and becomes louder. ]

Patient: Amy’s just like my mother …

[ ba bum ba bum ]

Patient: … my first and second wife …

[ ba bum ba bum ]

Patient: … I seek out desperate women, I have done it all my life!! It’s because I’m unentitled, like, they won’t love me for myself …

Dr. Fulton: Do you see this as a repeating pattern in your behavior?

Patient: (Shrugging it off) Yes, yes, I perpetuate bad relationships by denying all my needs for someone else.

Dr. Fulton: And why do you think you do that?

Patient: (sits up, starts crying to the tempo as he has an epiphany) Oh God …

Dr. Fulton: Go ahead.

Patient: (to the tempo) … Dear God …

Dr. Fulton: Keep on going.

Patient: (to the tempo, now bawling) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-waaaaohh … (plops back on the couch)

[ The piano continues playing throughout the final verse ]

Dr. Fulton: How do you feel?

Patient: I dunno … I know it intellectually, but I can’t learn it emotionally.

Dr. Fulton: Have you tried?

Patient: Yes! No … I don’t know how.

Dr. Fulton: Well, you think about it … and we’ll talk about it … but I’m afraid we’ll have to stop right now.

[ The blues music concludes, as the patient blows his nose. ]

Submitted by: G. Gomez

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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