Quincy Jones: 02/10/90: Driving Miss Daisy


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 12

89l: Quincy Jones / Tevin Campbell, Andrae Crouch, Sandra Crouch, Kool Moe Dee, Big Daddy Kane

Driving Miss Daisy

Miss Daisy…..Jan Hooks
Hoak…..Quincy Jones
Boolie…..Phil Hartman

[ open on footage of car driving down the road ] [ dissolve to car interior, grumpy Miss Daisy sitting in the back seat, as chauffeur Hoak mans the steering wheel in the front ]

Hoak: Sure is a beautiful day, isn’t it, Miss Daisy?

Miss Daisy: You be quiet! Wouldn’t know what it’s like outside, you’re driving too fast for me to see anything!

Hoak: Now, Miss Daisy.. the speed limit’s 25 miles an hour, and I’m only going five.

Miss Daisy: Well, it’s too fast! I like to go backwards. And look here – you keep your eyes on the road!

Hoak: Now, Miss Daisy, I’m a grown man, and I know how to drive.

Miss Daisy: Well, then, why are we going to the Puggly Wiggly this way? I always take Mulberry Road.

Hoak: But Mulberry Road’s in Alabama, Miss Daisy.

Miss Daisy: Well.. it’s the way I’ve always gone!

Hoak: [ has now had enough ] Miss Daisy? You know what your problem is?

Miss Daisy: No, Hoak. But I imagine you’re gonna tell me.

Hoak: Well.. it seems to me like you an old, ugly, dried-up sack of fertilizer, Miss Daisy.

Miss Daisy: That is the last straw, Hoak! I’m tired of your backtalk! You are fired!

Hoak: You can’t fire me, Miss Daisy! ‘Cause I quit! [ casually steps out of the moving vehicle ]

Miss Daisy: [ now fearing for her life without a driver behind the wheel ] Hoak! Hoak! You get back in this car!!! [ screams ] [ cut to stock Toonces footage of white car flipping over the side of a cliff, crashing to the ground below ] [ dissolve to Miss Daisy cooped up in bed, as her son Boolie enters the room ]

Miss Daisy: Boolie? Is that you?

Boolie: How you feelin’, Mama?

Miss Daisy: Oh! Well, just fine. I’m ready to go on out to the Piggly Wiggly now. Have you found a driver for me yet, boy?

Boolie: Yes, I did, Mama. It wasn’t easy findin’ out that wouldn’t talk back, but I managed.

Miss Daisy: Wellll.. you’re a good boy, Boolie. What’s his name?

Boolie: I’m not sure, Mama.. he gave me his card here, but it’s.. kinda hard to read.

Miss Daisy: [ glancing at the card quizzically ] Hmm..

[ dissolve to opening Toonces theme ]

“Toonces the Driving Cat
The Cat who could drive a car.
He drives around
all over the town
Toonces the Driving Cat!”

Announcer: Toonces, the Cat Who Could Drive A Car! Tonight’s episode: “Driving Miss Daisy”.

[ dissolve to Miss Daisy in the back seat, with Toonces at the wheel in front ]

Miss Daisy: Now, this is much, much better! No backtalk! I can just relax, and enjoy mysaelf at last! [ looks out the window, suddenly filled with worry ] Excuse me? Where are you going? You just.. you just passed the Piggly Wiggly! Now, you turn this car around, right now, do you understand me? Turn around! [ Toonces hits the pedal instead ] You’re going too fast! Slow down!! [ screams as the car twists out of control ] [ cut to stock Toonces footage of white car flipping over the side of a cliff, crashing to the ground below ]

He drives around
all over the town.
Toonces the Driving Cat.”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x