Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 15: Episode 15
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Alexander’s Fur World
Alexander…..Jon Lovitz
Alexander: Hello! I’m Alexander Johnson, of Alexander’s Fur World. And we’re havin our year-end, better-off-dead sale. Furs, furs, furs! Choose from hundreds of full-length minks. Every one of these animals was raised in the lap of luxury, and, I’m sorry to say, committed suicide due to personal problems..
[ SUPER: “Depressed Minks” ]And that’s not all! We have a fabulous collection of evil, murdering, vicious coyotes – every one a confirmed sheep and bunny killer convicted by a jury of environmentalists, and executed under humane conditions. Believe me, they’re better off dead.
Also, review our selection of reatarded beavers..
These poor animals were unable to cope with the complex demands of beaver society, and had to be put out of their misery. We have road possums, rabid foxes, and a limited number of filthy, destructive raccoons we found dead by the side of the road..
[ SUPER: “Flattened Raccoons” ]So come with a clear conscience, and remember: they’re animals, for crying out loud! That’s what they’re there for!
