Rob Lowe’s Monologue
[ Rob receives no applause as he steps onto Home Base to deliver his monologue ]
Rob Lowe: Thank you. Thank you. [ uneasy ] Thank you. [ sudden enthusiasm ] It’s great to be here, hosting “Saturday Night Live”!
Voice in Audience: [ angry ] You’ve got a lot of nerve! I have a daughter!
Rob Lowe: [ confident ] No! Actually, I’m glad that this has come up, I – the incident, to which the gentleman is referring, is an unfortunate situation, and.. I regret it, it’s been, uh.. it’s been very difficult for me. But I’ve learned something. That, through, with experiences like this, you can really find the value and the loyalty of your friends. And.. I found out that I do have a lot of friends —
Voice in Audience: We’re not your friends!
Second Voice in Audience: I’ve got a daughter!
Rob Lowe: Well.. Uh.. we’ve got a great show tonight! Our musical guest, all the way from Ireland – we’ve got the Pogues! [ audience is silent ] Aw, come on.. don’t hold it against them – they didn’t do anything! I mean, they don’t even know me! [ silence ] Aw, come on! It’s Saint Patrick’s Day! [ silence ] Well.. anyway.. we’ll be right back..
Jon Lovitz: [ steps up to help ] Rob.
Rob Lowe: Jon.
Jon Lovitz: Rob, why don’t you just go change for the next sketch? I’ll handle this.
Rob Lowe: Alright. I guess you’re right.. [ glumly walks away ]
Jon Lovitz: [ to audience, excited ] Okay! The Pogues are here! [ audience cheers ] We’ll be right back!