SNL Transcripts: Corbin Bernsen: 04/14/90: Corbin Bernsen’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 17

89q: Corbin Bernsen / The Smithereens

Corbin Bernsen’s Monologue

…..Corbin Bernsen

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Corbin Bernsen!

Corbin Bernsen: Alright! Thank you! Yeah! Thank you very much! Thank you! [ chuckles heartily ] Thank you!

Well, I’m really glad to be in New York, hosting “Saturday Night Live,” huh? Now, before we start the show, there’s — I’d like to take this opportunity to clear something up. Now, because of the character I play on “L.A. Law” — Arnie Becker — you probably have a preconceived image of me as a cocky, arrogrant womanizer. [ the audience cheers ] That’s just.. a character. Now, I suppose there might be uh, a little bit of, uh, Arnie Becker in me, and. the truth is, when I first became famous, I did have a tendancy to be.. a little arrogant. I — [pauses ] I bought a Porsche.. I dated Vanna White.. [ audience chuckles ] I killed a man. [ audience laughs ] But then I realized what that was — that was just a – just a part of me crying out for acceptance. It was the fifteen-year old, remembering a time when – when girls didn’t want to go out with me, and when I wasn’t that popular. [ sincere pause ] That was a hard time for me. [ audience awwws ] Ah, who am I kidding! There was NEVER a time when girls wouldn’t go out with me! Women – hey, they’ve ALWAYS wanted me! and men have ALWAYS been afraid of me! I was just trying to relate to you people, somehow. [ with quiet sincerity ] You see, I’m, uh – I’m – I’m a little nervous tonight, and I just – I just wanted to get you on my side. [ a beat ] What am I talking about? I’m not nervous! They just told me to say that! I feel GREAT! I look GREAT! [ audience laughs ]

We’ve got a great show! The Smithereens are here! We’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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