SNL Transcripts: Corbin Bernsen: 04/14/90: Corbin Bernsen’s Monologue

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 15: Episode 17



89q: Corbin Bernsen / The Smithereens

Corbin Bernsen’s Monologue

…..Corbin Bernsen

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Corbin Bernsen!

Corbin Bernsen: Alright! Thank you! Yeah! Thank you very much! Thank you! [ chuckles heartily ] Thank you!

Well, I’m really glad to be in New York, hosting “Saturday Night Live,” huh? Now, before we start the show, there’s — I’d like to take this opportunity to clear something up. Now, because of the character I play on “L.A. Law” — Arnie Becker — you probably have a preconceived image of me as a cocky, arrogrant womanizer. [ the audience cheers ] That’s just.. a character. Now, I suppose there might be uh, a little bit of, uh, Arnie Becker in me, and. the truth is, when I first became famous, I did have a tendancy to be.. a little arrogant. I — [pauses ] I bought a Porsche.. I dated Vanna White.. [ audience chuckles ] I killed a man. [ audience laughs ] But then I realized what that was — that was just a – just a part of me crying out for acceptance. It was the fifteen-year old, remembering a time when – when girls didn’t want to go out with me, and when I wasn’t that popular. [ sincere pause ] That was a hard time for me. [ audience awwws ] Ah, who am I kidding! There was NEVER a time when girls wouldn’t go out with me! Women – hey, they’ve ALWAYS wanted me! and men have ALWAYS been afraid of me! I was just trying to relate to you people, somehow. [ with quiet sincerity ] You see, I’m, uh – I’m – I’m a little nervous tonight, and I just – I just wanted to get you on my side. [ a beat ] What am I talking about? I’m not nervous! They just told me to say that! I feel GREAT! I look GREAT! [ audience laughs ]

We’ve got a great show! The Smithereens are here! We’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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