SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 04/21/90: A Message From the President of the United States



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  Season 15: Episode 18



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89r: Alec Baldwin / The B-52’s

A Message From the President of the United States

President George Bush…..Dana Carvey

President George Bush: Hit there, this is George! Happy Earth Day Eve to ya!

You know, when I ran for this thing here, against that guy in that state over there, back some time ago, I promised to be the environmental president. I also promised to be the education president, and the popular president. Well.. one out of three ain’t bad! [ laughs ] Just a little joke there!

Tomorrow is Earth Day. Environment, a difficult problem – gotta be prudent! [ motions wildly with hands ] Now, I’d love to just take care of the Greenhouse Effect in one fell swoop up here. Not gonna sacrifice jobs down here. Nah gah dah! Wanna do something bold about the rainforest here – gotta breathe, everyone’s gotta breath! Don’t wanna pin Brazil down here – they’re a democracy. Don’t wanna be at cross-purposes – wanna get together! Not out here, right here! A thousand points of light.

You know, you ask one scientist, he’ll tell you the Earth is warming – here’s that scientist, he’ll tell you about that global warming here. You find another expert over here, saying we got an ice age. You got Gorbachev, the architect of glasnost, over here in this area right there. Over there, you got the right-to-lifers. Over here, you got those who would legalize drugs – gotta get ’em together! Don’t wanna be here, here, here, and here, and here, and here! Wanna be here! Bad! Good! Just wanted to recap there.

You know, I know a little something about fossil fuels myself, old oil guy here, been around. I’ve handled a catalytic converter. One thing I can tell you – when it’s hot, don’t touch it! Badly burned! Ouch!

Got that, that glaucoma thing happening, in that area up there, that one eye swelling up a little bit, you know? Using drops. Using THC, the active ingredient in marijuana. Doctor-prescribed! Comes on this little bottle here, put the THC in that bad eye.. [ squeezes the eye drops into his eyes, then laps it up as it drips towards his mouth ] Kinda tasty!

[ feeling high, stammering ] Well, back to Earth Day.. Picture yourself in a boat on a river.. tangerine trees and marmalade skies.. suddenly, there’s someone at turnstiles.. “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Niiiiiiighhhttt!!

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