SNL Transcripts: Candice Bergen: 05/19/90: Candice Bergen’s Monologue

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  Season 15: Episode 20




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89t: Candice Bergen / The Notting Hillbillies

Candice Bergen’s Monologue

…..Candice Bergen

Candice Bergen: Thank you very much! Thank you. You know, the first time I hosted “Saturday Night Live” was fifteen years ago, in November of 1975. Since then, I’ve always looked forward to hosting because this was the first show that allowed me to do comedy. Of course, now I have my own show, “Murphy Brown”. So, I really don’t need this show any more. Then, why am I here? Well, last Fall, they asked me to appear on the 15th Anniversary special. I sent them a nice note and said I would love to, but was really busy with my show, “Murphy Brown”. Which, at the time, was going into its second season, now a third. And I said, “Let’s do something later, maybe at the end of the season.” Who would have thought they would remember? So, here I am. And tonight, I want to do something very special for you. Because when I host, I host.

[ music plays ]

Male Chorus: [ singing ]“Candy!
Ooh, Candy!
Candy!”

Candice Bergen: [ singing ]“Just let me make one thing clear
This will be one hot night.
So let me do my thing here
Inside a hot spotlight.

Everything will be dandyIf you leave it to CandyHey, worldI’m hosting!

Male Chorus: [ singing ]“She’s.. got.. some..
Help from the boys
She’s got the band near
And if we make too much noise
Just tell them Candy’s here!
‘Cause she’s out of her cloister
The world is her oyster.”

Candice Bergen: [ singing ]“Look out!
I’m hosting!”

Male Chorus: [ singing ]“She’s the Easter parade
A one-woman Thanksgiving Day!
She lights up the sky
Like the Fourth of July”

Candice Bergen: [ singing ]“I’m hosting, dammit!
Get out of my way!”

[ music break ]

Male Chorus: [ singing ]“So bring her champagne
We’re gonna pop the cork.
‘Cause Candy got on a plane
And came back here to New York.
She’s not here for the money
She just ame to be funny
And she’ll do what it takes to get laughs!”

Candice Bergen: [ singing ]“Going out of my head over you
Going out of my head just for you
Out of my head
Day and night, night and day and night
Wrong or right
I’m hosting!”

Male Chorus: [ singing ]“Candy!
Candy!
Candy!”

Candice Bergen: I’m hosting!

We have a great show. Notting Hillbillies are here, and we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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