Great Love Stories

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Great Love Stories

Man #1…..Kevin Nealon
Woman #1…..Jan Hooks
Man #2…..Chris Farley
Woman #2…..Susan Lucci
Woman #3…..Victoria Jackson
Man #3…..Chris Rock
Man #4…..Phil Hartman
Man #5…..Mike Myers


[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]

Announcer: “Great Love Stories”.

Man #1: Dis guy hired me to t’row battery acid in dis chick’s face, right?

Woman #1: I heard a knock at the door. When I opened it, I got a faceful of battery acid.

Man #1: When I realized I went to the wrong apartment, I felt terrible. So I started visitn’ her at the hospital. I’d say it was about – what? – t’ree months?

Woman #1: Yeah. When we got married.

[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]

Announcer: “Great Love Stories”.

Man #2: My dad, my brother and me were huntin’ gators in the bayou.. and saw her and her boyfriend campin’.

Woman #2: They murdered my boyfriend in his sleeping bag.. and they abducted me.

Man #2: We had her out there in the shack all winter, before I started to realize that what we was doin’ was wrong. So I killed my daddy and my brother, and we were married ’bout – what?

Woman #2: ’bout three months later.

Man #2: [ laughs proudly ] [ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]

Announcer: “Great Love Stories”.

Woman #3: I was covering the New England Patriots for the Boston Herald Tribune.

Man #3: So, she’s in the locker room. I drop my towel and say, “Step up to the mike!”

Woman #3: And, uh.. it was about three months later..

Man #3: ..we were married!

[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]

Announcer: “Great Love Stories” is brought to you by.. FTD; you’ll be suprised what a couple of roses can do – honest to God. and.. Hallmark Cards; it sounds stupid, but we swear it works. And.. Godiva Chocolates; you’d think by now they’d catch on, but, apparently, they haven’t – trust us.

Here is a scene from next week’s “Great Love Stories”:

Man #4: I was trappin’ with my dad and my brother up in the Grand Tete ?? And we saw this girl campin’ with her boyfriend.

Man #5: They murdered my girlfriend in her sleeping bag, and abducted me!

Man #4: And we were married three months later.

[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]

Announcer: Next week on.. “Great Love Stories”.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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