Great Love Stories
Man #1…..Kevin Nealon
Woman #1…..Jan Hooks
Man #2…..Chris Farley
Woman #2…..Susan Lucci
Woman #3…..Victoria Jackson
Man #3…..Chris Rock
Man #4…..Phil Hartman
Man #5…..Mike Myers
[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]
Announcer: “Great Love Stories”.
Man #1: Dis guy hired me to t’row battery acid in dis chick’s face, right?
Woman #1: I heard a knock at the door. When I opened it, I got a faceful of battery acid.
Man #1: When I realized I went to the wrong apartment, I felt terrible. So I started visitn’ her at the hospital. I’d say it was about – what? – t’ree months?
Woman #1: Yeah. When we got married.
[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]
Announcer: “Great Love Stories”.
Man #2: My dad, my brother and me were huntin’ gators in the bayou.. and saw her and her boyfriend campin’.
Woman #2: They murdered my boyfriend in his sleeping bag.. and they abducted me.
Man #2: We had her out there in the shack all winter, before I started to realize that what we was doin’ was wrong. So I killed my daddy and my brother, and we were married ’bout – what?
Woman #2: ’bout three months later.
Man #2: [ laughs proudly ]
[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]
Announcer: “Great Love Stories”.
Woman #3: I was covering the New England Patriots for the Boston Herald Tribune.
Man #3: So, she’s in the locker room. I drop my towel and say, “Step up to the mike!”
Woman #3: And, uh.. it was about three months later..
Man #3: ..we were married!
[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]
Announcer: “Great Love Stories” is brought to you by.. FTD; you’ll be suprised what a couple of roses can do – honest to God. and.. Hallmark Cards; it sounds stupid, but we swear it works. And.. Godiva Chocolates; you’d think by now they’d catch on, but, apparently, they haven’t – trust us.
Here is a scene from next week’s “Great Love Stories”:
Man #4: I was trappin’ with my dad and my brother up in the Grand Tete ?? And we saw this girl campin’ with her boyfriend.
Man #5: They murdered my girlfriend in her sleeping bag, and abducted me!
Man #4: And we were married three months later.
[ Music Over: “Theme From Gone With The Wind” ]
Announcer: Next week on.. “Great Love Stories”.
[ fade ]
