Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 16: Episode 3
George Steinbrenner’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentleman — George Steinbrenner![ Cheers and applause. ]
George Steinbrenner: Thank you! Thank you very, very much! Thank you!Thank you! I’m really excited tonight. I want you all to know that, at 11:15tonight, I bought the Cincinnati Reds.
Anyway, it’s great to be here. You know, this show traditionally has twokinds of hosts — entertainers; you know, actors, comedians… And thenbeloved figures from other walks of life.
Now, I’m not an actor. Never been in a movie or a TV series. Not even acomedian! Don’t do impressions and I’m not even good at snappy comebacks.I don’t do schtick and I’m not a singer. Not gonna put on a dress and singold Judy Garland songs. I’m not a contortionist and I’m not gonna put on astraightjacket and be submerged in a tank of water. I’m not gonna catch abullet in my teeth… I hope. Or eat 100 eggs…
By no reasonable definition of the word can I be considered an”entertainer”. I’m not gonna wear a beard of bees or drink kerosene and doburps. No way! I’m just not an entertainer.
So the way I see it, if I’m not an entertainer, I must fall into thatother category: beloved Americans from another walk of life. Anyway, wegot a terrific show for you tonight! A great musical group is here: TheTime![ Cheers and applause. ]
George Steinbrenner: Everyone working here is underpaid… all you guys!So, Lou won the big game, 2-1.[ Mixed reaction from the audience. ]
George Steinbrenner: So let’s stick around! You’re gonna have a greattime! And we’ll be right back!
Submitted by: Cody Downs