Winston-McCauley Funeral Home
Winston-McCauley Spokesperson…..Phil Hartman
Spokesperson: Care, compassion, dedication. These are the things we can promise you at Winston-McCauley Funeral Home. And there’s one other thing we can promise: that we will not have sex with any dead body. How can we guarantee this level of service? First, we rigorously test our applicants for aptitude and intelligence.. and also to make sure they don’t have the urge to have sex with dead bodies. And, if any of our employees fails to live up to our standards, he can be suspended, without pay, for up to six months. And, if that’s not enough, you have my personal assurance that if you can prove that your loved one was the victim of post-mortem sex, I will discount your bill with us for a full $1,000. That’s the Winston-McCauley Guarantee.
Announcer: Care. Compassion. Dedication. And absolutely No Sex. Winston-McCauley Funeral Home.