Super Feud

Super Feud

Announcer…..Don Pardo
Jorge Montenero…..Patrick Swayze
Raul Valendez…..Dana Carvey

[“singing” over continuous music-bed of Latin folk song “Guantanamera”]

Announcer: When two of South America’s biggest singing stars have a feud, you’re the winner. Now you can enjoy the rivalry that Latin Americans have known about for years. Together on one album, Jorge Montenero…

“One ton of fan mail
That’s what I get, I get one ton of fan mail
One ton of fan mail
I get one ton of fan mail.”

Announcer: …And his arch-rival, Raul Valendez.

“Two tons of fan mail
That’s what I get, I get two tons of fan mail
Two tons of fan mail
I get two tons of fan mail.”

Announcer: All the songs in the greatest rivalry in the history of South American singing-star rivalries.

Jorge: “Four tons of fan mail
That’s right you heard me, I get four tons of fan mail
I have it weighed each morning
On the truck scale.”

Announcer: You’ll get…

“Number-one song for nine months (in Paraguay)
I had the number-one song for nine months
You turn on the radio
And it was all you would ever hear.”

Announcer: And…

“He had an eye job
I tell you, he had an eye job
I know a doctor
Who swears he had an eye job.”

Announcer: Plus…

“He stuffs his trousers
I’m telling you quite plainly, he stuffs his trousers
With a plastic penis
It fell out in Lima.”

Announcer: With…

“That never happened,
I tell you man, the man is a liar
I filed a lawsuit
For 100,000,000 pesos.”

Announcer: Plus…

Raul:”It fell out his pant-leg
I know for sure, it fell out his pant-leg
We have same drummer
He told me the story.”

Announcer: Send check or money order for $12.95 to Super Feud, Camino De Las Estrellas, Miami, FL.

“Last in commercial
Please note my song was last in commercial, heh heh heh!
That should tell you something
They put me last in commercial.”

Announcer: Order now.

Submitted by: Brian + Alan.

SNL Transcripts

Notify of