Super Feud

Super Feud

Announcer…..Don Pardo
Jorge Montenero…..Patrick Swayze
Raul Valendez…..Dana Carvey


[“singing” over continuous music-bed of Latin folk song “Guantanamera”]

Announcer: When two of South America’s biggest singing stars have a feud, you’re the winner. Now you can enjoy the rivalry that Latin Americans have known about for years. Together on one album, Jorge Montenero…

Jorge:
“One ton of fan mail
That’s what I get, I get one ton of fan mail
One ton of fan mail
I get one ton of fan mail.”

Announcer: …And his arch-rival, Raul Valendez.

Raul:
“Two tons of fan mail
That’s what I get, I get two tons of fan mail
Two tons of fan mail
I get two tons of fan mail.”

Announcer: All the songs in the greatest rivalry in the history of South American singing-star rivalries.

Jorge: “Four tons of fan mail
That’s right you heard me, I get four tons of fan mail
I have it weighed each morning
On the truck scale.”

Announcer: You’ll get…

Raul:
“Number-one song for nine months (in Paraguay)
I had the number-one song for nine months
You turn on the radio
And it was all you would ever hear.”

Announcer: And…

Jorge:
“He had an eye job
I tell you, he had an eye job
I know a doctor
Who swears he had an eye job.”

Announcer: Plus…

Raul:
“He stuffs his trousers
I’m telling you quite plainly, he stuffs his trousers
With a plastic penis
It fell out in Lima.”

Announcer: With…

Jorge:
“That never happened,
I tell you man, the man is a liar
I filed a lawsuit
For 100,000,000 pesos.”

Announcer: Plus…

Raul:”It fell out his pant-leg
I know for sure, it fell out his pant-leg
We have same drummer
He told me the story.”

Announcer: Send check or money order for $12.95 to Super Feud, Camino De Las Estrellas, Miami, FL.

Jorge:
“Last in commercial
Please note my song was last in commercial, heh heh heh!
That should tell you something
They put me last in commercial.”

Announcer: Order now.

Submitted by: Brian + Alan.

SNL Transcripts

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