NBC News Employees


NBC News Employees

Robin Fletcher…..Julia Sweeney
Kathy…..Jan Hooks
Dan…..Phil Hartman
Executive #1…..Dana Carvey
Executive #2…..Mike Myers
Antonio Mendoza…..Jimmy Smits
Delivery Boy…..Rob Schneider
…..Bob Costas
Secretary…..Victoria Jackson

[ open on live footage of Robin Fletcher delivering news rport ]

Robin Fletcher: The fighting, for now, is over. But, for the people of Nicauragua, that is small consideraton. This is Robin Fletcher for NBC News, reporting from Managua, Nicaragua.

[ TV is turned off, zoom out to reveal NBC News employees watching with interest ]

Kathy: What do you think?

Dan: Well, it’s a nice report.. but is this the week to cover.. [ thick-accented ] ..Neek-o-rah-gwa?

Kathy: Well.. I think Neek-o-rah-gwa is important. But not just Neek-o-rah-gwa but, also.. Han-der-us! And, especially.. El Salv-uh-door!

Executive #1: But wasn’t the big story the defeat of Hor-tay-ga! And.. the fall of the san-duh-nees-tahs!

Executive #2: Excuse me, everybody, I’d like you to meet our new Economics correspondent.. Han-toe-nee-o Man-dos-ah!

Antonio Mendoza: Or.. Antonio Mendoza.

Kathy: Oh, it’s nice to meet you, Han-toe-nee-o!

Dan: I’m sorry. Is it Man-dos-ah? Or Min-doz-ah?

Antonio Mendoza: Mendoza.. just Mendoza.

Executive #1: Well, Han-toe-nee-o.. um.. Kathy here was just talking about our coverage of Neek-o-rah-gwa.

Antonio Mendoza: Yeah, well, I think that the economic development in that region is going to be a real big story.

Dan: Yes, especially now that they don’t have to worry about the.. Coin-trahs!

Antonio Mendoza: Yeah.

[ Delivery Boy enters ]

Delivery Boy: Food delivery?

Executive #1: Oh, great! Yes, yes! Right here! Okay.

Dan: Han-toe-nee-o, please, fell free. We always order too much food.

Antonio Mendoza: No.. thank you, thank you very much.

Executive #1: [ examining the orders ] Okay.. alright. Who had the an-chee-lah-dahs?

Kathy: Oh, that’s me.

Executive #1: Okay.. we also have a comibnation bean bar-r-r-r-r-r-ee-toe.. and chee-lee-con-car-nay!

Dan: Well.. I had a bar-ee-toe.. and gway-vos-con-chair-ohs.

Executive #1: Oh.. [ looking ] They’re no gawy-vos. They must have screwed up.

Executive #2: Han-toe-nee-o, you’re welcome to have my chee-lee-con-car-r-r-r-r-nay!

Antonio Mendoza: Uh.. no.. no, thanks. Say, you guys really like Latino food, huh?

Executive #1: [ laughs ] Well, you know, I grew up in Las-Hang-o-lees!

[ Bob Costas enters room ]

Bob Costas: Hey, guys.

All: Hey! Bob! Bob!

Bob Costas: I heard you had some an-chee-lah-dahs!

Kathy: Oh, man! We got some dynamite cheem-ee-chang-ahs, too!

Bob Costas: Oh, great! Great! Can I dig in?

Kathy: Sure!

Dan: Bob, this is our Economics correspondent, Han-toe-nee-o Man-dos-ah!

Antonio Mendoza: [ chuckling ] Antonio Mendoza.

Dan: Han-toe-nee-o – Bob Coast-ahs!

Bob Coastas: Nice to see you.

Executive #1: So, Bob, you got any hot picks for us this weekend?

Bob Costas: Well, I like-a De Brawn-cose!

Dan: [ laughing hysterically ] De Brawn-cose?! You’re nuts! No way De Brawn-cose beat Sohn Dee-a-go in Sohn Dee-a-go! You’re out of your mind!

Bob Costas: Oh, what! And this is the guy who picked Tom-paw Bay by six over Sohn Frohn-sees-co!

Dan: Okay.. okay..

[ Secretary enters room ]

Secretary: Dan.. I’m sorry I couldn’t find the file on.. Coast-ah Ree-co! And, also, the garage called, and they said someone left their lights on – a blue Cah-mah-row!

Bob Costas: Oh, geez! That’s me! [ running ] Save me some gway-vos-con-chair-ohs! [ runs out of room ]

Antonio Mendoza: You know, I-I-I’m sorry.. I’m just noticing that you guys are really up on your Spanish pronunciations. [ everyone expresses theiir gratitude ] But.. if you don’t mind me saying so.. sometimes these Spanish words, when you take them and you sort of kind of overpromounce them.. it’s really kind of annoying.

Executive #2: [ surprised ] Really?

Dan: Well, give us an example.

Antonio Mendoza: Okay. Well, what do you call the kind of storm you get with high winds and a big funnel cloud?

Dan: [ chuckles ] A tour-nah-do! Why?

Antonio Mendoza: [ shakes head ] Never mind.. never mind. [ a beat ] You know, on second thought, I think I will have an enchilada.

Executive #1: Uh.. a what?

Antonio Mendoza: An enchilada.. I’ll have an enchilada.

Dan: I’m sorry?

Antonio Mendoza: An an-chee-lah-dah! Now everyone understands what he wants ] Han-toe-nee-o Man-dose-ah would like an an-chee-lah-dah!! It would very moo-wee bwain-oh because Han-toe-nee-o is very hahn-gree!! Yeah, it would make him feel r-r-r-ree-lee goo-id to have an AN-CHEE-LAH-DAH!!!

Executive #1: [ whispers to Executive #2 ] Hey, this guy’s alright!

[ zoom out to fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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