NBC News Employees
Robin Fletcher…..Julia Sweeney
Executive #1…..Dana Carvey
Executive #2…..Mike Myers
Antonio Mendoza…..Jimmy Smits
Delivery Boy…..Rob Schneider
[ open on live footage of Robin Fletcher delivering news rport ]
Robin Fletcher: The fighting, for now, is over. But, for the people of Nicauragua, that is small consideraton. This is Robin Fletcher for NBC News, reporting from Managua, Nicaragua.
[ TV is turned off, zoom out to reveal NBC News employees watching with interest ]
Kathy: What do you think?
Dan: Well, it’s a nice report.. but is this the week to cover.. [ thick-accented ] ..Neek-o-rah-gwa?
Kathy: Well.. I think Neek-o-rah-gwa is important. But not just Neek-o-rah-gwa but, also.. Han-der-us! And, especially.. El Salv-uh-door!
Executive #1: But wasn’t the big story the defeat of Hor-tay-ga! And.. the fall of the san-duh-nees-tahs!
Executive #2: Excuse me, everybody, I’d like you to meet our new Economics correspondent.. Han-toe-nee-o Man-dos-ah!
Antonio Mendoza: Or.. Antonio Mendoza.
Kathy: Oh, it’s nice to meet you, Han-toe-nee-o!
Dan: I’m sorry. Is it Man-dos-ah? Or Min-doz-ah?
Antonio Mendoza: Mendoza.. just Mendoza.
Executive #1: Well, Han-toe-nee-o.. um.. Kathy here was just talking about our coverage of Neek-o-rah-gwa.
Antonio Mendoza: Yeah, well, I think that the economic development in that region is going to be a real big story.
Dan: Yes, especially now that they don’t have to worry about the.. Coin-trahs!
Antonio Mendoza: Yeah.
[ Delivery Boy enters ]
Delivery Boy: Food delivery?
Executive #1: Oh, great! Yes, yes! Right here! Okay.
Dan: Han-toe-nee-o, please, fell free. We always order too much food.
Antonio Mendoza: No.. thank you, thank you very much.
Executive #1: [ examining the orders ] Okay.. alright. Who had the an-chee-lah-dahs?
Kathy: Oh, that’s me.
Executive #1: Okay.. we also have a comibnation bean bar-r-r-r-r-r-ee-toe.. and chee-lee-con-car-nay!
Dan: Well.. I had a bar-ee-toe.. and gway-vos-con-chair-ohs.
Executive #1: Oh.. [ looking ] They’re no gawy-vos. They must have screwed up.
Executive #2: Han-toe-nee-o, you’re welcome to have my chee-lee-con-car-r-r-r-r-nay!
Antonio Mendoza: Uh.. no.. no, thanks. Say, you guys really like Latino food, huh?
Executive #1: [ laughs ] Well, you know, I grew up in Las-Hang-o-lees!
[ Bob Costas enters room ]
Bob Costas: Hey, guys.
All: Hey! Bob! Bob!
Bob Costas: I heard you had some an-chee-lah-dahs!
Kathy: Oh, man! We got some dynamite cheem-ee-chang-ahs, too!
Bob Costas: Oh, great! Great! Can I dig in?
Dan: Bob, this is our Economics correspondent, Han-toe-nee-o Man-dos-ah!
Antonio Mendoza: [ chuckling ] Antonio Mendoza.
Dan: Han-toe-nee-o – Bob Coast-ahs!
Bob Coastas: Nice to see you.
Executive #1: So, Bob, you got any hot picks for us this weekend?
Bob Costas: Well, I like-a De Brawn-cose!
Dan: [ laughing hysterically ] De Brawn-cose?! You’re nuts! No way De Brawn-cose beat Sohn Dee-a-go in Sohn Dee-a-go! You’re out of your mind!
Bob Costas: Oh, what! And this is the guy who picked Tom-paw Bay by six over Sohn Frohn-sees-co!
Dan: Okay.. okay..
[ Secretary enters room ]
Secretary: Dan.. I’m sorry I couldn’t find the file on.. Coast-ah Ree-co! And, also, the garage called, and they said someone left their lights on – a blue Cah-mah-row!
Bob Costas: Oh, geez! That’s me! [ running ] Save me some gway-vos-con-chair-ohs! [ runs out of room ]
Antonio Mendoza: You know, I-I-I’m sorry.. I’m just noticing that you guys are really up on your Spanish pronunciations. [ everyone expresses theiir gratitude ] But.. if you don’t mind me saying so.. sometimes these Spanish words, when you take them and you sort of kind of overpromounce them.. it’s really kind of annoying.
Executive #2: [ surprised ] Really?
Dan: Well, give us an example.
Antonio Mendoza: Okay. Well, what do you call the kind of storm you get with high winds and a big funnel cloud?
Dan: [ chuckles ] A tour-nah-do! Why?
Antonio Mendoza: [ shakes head ] Never mind.. never mind. [ a beat ] You know, on second thought, I think I will have an enchilada.
Executive #1: Uh.. a what?
Antonio Mendoza: An enchilada.. I’ll have an enchilada.
Dan: I’m sorry?
Antonio Mendoza: An an-chee-lah-dah! Now everyone understands what he wants ] Han-toe-nee-o Man-dose-ah would like an an-chee-lah-dah!! It would very moo-wee bwain-oh because Han-toe-nee-o is very hahn-gree!! Yeah, it would make him feel r-r-r-ree-lee goo-id to have an AN-CHEE-LAH-DAH!!!
Executive #1: [ whispers to Executive #2 ] Hey, this guy’s alright!
[ zoom out to fade ]