Verbal Reversals

Verbal Reversals

Partner…..Dana Carvey
Frank…..Jimmy Smits
Detective…..Chris Farley

[ open on interior, Precinct 17 Squad Room, as detective partners put away their report files ]

Partner: Well. I guess that case is finished.

Frank: Or maybe it’s.. just beginning.

Partner: [ chuckles ] No, it’s finished. Remember? We finished it.

Frank: In a way.. maybe it.. finished us.

Partner: [ chuckles ] Well.. I just know I, you know, wouldn’t want to go through that again. I think it might drive us crazy.

Frank: Or keep us sane.

[ they sit down at their desk ]

Partner: Well, anyway, we solved the case. I guess that’s what really matters.

Frank: Well.. did we solve the case? Or.. did the case solve us?

Partner: Wha-what do you mean? That doesn’t even make sense!

Frank: Sometimes, the things that don’t make sense.. make the most sense of all.

[ pause ]

Partner: Well.. well, I wouldn’t know about that. [ grimaces as he drinks from a cup of coffee ] I do know that this is the worst coffee I’ve ever had.

Frank: Or maybe the best.

Partner: [ annoyed ] You know something, Frank? Whenever anyone says anything, you’ve gotta say the opposite, just to make yourself look smart!

Frank: Or maybe to look dumb.

Partner: You’re doing it again!

Frank: Am I?

Partner: [ angry ] I’m going to have to kill you.

Frank: Maybe by killing me, you’ll be giving me life.

Partner: Stop it! Stop it right now!

Frank: Maybe by stopping it now, I’ll be continuing later.

Partner: [ shoots Frank in the heart ]

Frank: Maybe- [ drops dead, facefirst across the desk ] [ Detective walks up ]

Detective: Killed your partner, huh?

Partner: Yeah. But.. maybe in a way, my partner killed me.

Detective: Uh-oh. Now you’re doing it.

Partner: Maybe by doing it, I’m.. not.. doing it.

Detective: Only, you’re not as good at it. [ a beat ] Hey, let’s get a bite to eat. [ eyes spark ] Or.. let’s let a bite.. get.. us.. something to eat.

[ they nod at each other and smile satisfactorily to fade ]

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