Elevator Fans


Elevator Fans

Elevator Fan #1…..Kevin Nealon
Elevator Fan #2…..Dana Carvey

[ open on exterior, tall office building ] [ dissolve to interior, Sting waiting by an elevator. Elevator doors open, and he steps inside. Elevator #1 walks in behind him. They both lean against the back wall of the elevator for the ride. ]

Elevator Fan #1: [ casually looks at the passenger next to him, performing a double-take when he realizes who it is ] Hey. You’re Sting?

Sting: Yeah.

Elevator Fan #1: Gosh, man.. I just think you’re really great..

Sting: Well, thanks a lot!

Elevator Fan #1: I’m a big fan of yours.

Sting: Thank you.

Elevator Fan #1: I have all your albums.

Sting: Really?

Elevator Fan #1: You know, with The Police.. and, then I also have all your..

Sting: Solo?

Elevator Fan #1: Yes! Solo stuff! Yeah.. a lot of great songs.. you’re great, man.

Sting: Thank you.

Elevator Fan #1: Boy, I mean, you know.. “Roxanne”! That’s a classic right there!

Sting: Oh.. thanks a lot.

Elevator Fan #1: [ starts singing ] “Roxanne.”
Sting: Yeah.

Elevator Fan #1: “You don’t have to put on the red light.. Roxanne! You don’t have to sell your body to the night..”

Sting: Uh-huh.. that’s the song..

Elevator Fan #1: “You don’t have to put on your red light.. Roxanne!” Put on your right light!” You know?

Sting: Yeah.

Elevator Fan #1: “Roxanne – put on your red light! Roxanne – put on your red light!” Well, anyway, I just think you’re great!

Sting: Oh. Thank you. [ pause, eyes rolling ] It’s a tall building, huh?

Elevator Fan #1: One of the tallest! [ resumes singing ] “Roxanne!”

[ elevator doors open, as Elevator Fan #2 enters, leans against wall between Sting and Elevator Fan #1, thinking he recognizes Sting ]

Elevator Fan #1: [ whispering ] It’s Sting.

Elevator Fan #2: [ smiling ] Oh. What can I say?

Sting: That’s all right.

Elevator Fan #2: I mean, boy.. like.. “If You Love Somebody”?

Sting: Right. Right.

Elevator Fan #2: That.. that’s great, that’s.. God, that’s just.. [ chuckles ] “If you love somebody.. If you love someone” [ laughs ] You know?

Sting: Yeah. That was a good one..

Elevator Fan #2: “Set them free..”

Fans Together: “Free, free, set them free! Free, free, set them free!”

Elevator Fan #2: “De do do do, de da da da!”

Elevator Fan #1: “Is all I want to say to you!”

Elevator Fan #2: “De do do do, de da da da!”

Fans Together: “Is all I want to say to you! De do do do, de da da da! Is all I want to say to you!”

[ Sting presses the Open Door button, and quickly exits the elevator ]

Elevator Fan #1: Hey! Hey! Uh.. I just thought you were gonna get off at 110?

Sting: Yeah.. I just remembered, I’ve got some business on 85.

Elevator Fan #2: Okay. Okay, great. Goodbye!

Elevator Fan #1: Goodbye!

Fans Together: “De do do do, de da da da! Is all I want to say to you! De do do do, de da da da! Is all I want to say to you..”

[ Sting rushes off, as the elevator doors close ] [ cut to Sting running up the stairwell, shaking his head at this predictament ] [ dissolve to long shot of building exterior, over sound of the Elevator Fans still singing ]

Voice of Elevator Fans: “We are spirits in the material world! Are spirits in the material world! Are spirits in the material world..”

[ fade out ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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