The Sinatra Group


The Sinatra Group

Frank Sinatra…..Phil Hartman
Sinead O’Conner…..Jan Hooks
Billy Idol…..Sting
Luther Campbell…..Chris Rock
Steve Lawrence…..Mike Myers
Eydie Gorme…..Victoria Jackson


Announcer: The Sinatra Group. An unrehearsed discussion of current issues in the recording industry. With panelists Sinead O’Connor, Billy Idol, 2 Live Crew star Luther Campbell, and Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme. And now, here’s the moderator, Frank Sinatra.

Frank Sinatra: Issue number one: Censorship. They got the records with the labels now, people getting arrested. What the hell’s going on? Sine-aid O’Conner!

Sinead O’Connor: Well, I thnk it’s a bloody shame that freedom of expression is suppressed in this country..

Frank Sinatra: Yap, yap, yap! Billy Idol!

Billy Idol: I think they’re all a bunch of tight-assed old farts.

Frank Sinatra: Get a haircut. Luther Campbell!

Luther Campbell: Well, man I had my run-ins with censorship all year.

Frank Sinatra: Can’t understand a word.

Luther Campbell: I said I was censored all year.

Frank Sinatra: You don’t know what censored is, junior. Censored is being dumped by Columbia because Mitch Miller doesn’t like the way your career is going. It’s having million-dollar pipes and nowhere to play ’em. Am I right, Steve and Eydie?

Steve Lawrence: Yes, you are, Frank.

Eydie Gorme: Absolutely, Frank.

Frank Sinatra: You bet I am. Next issue: this crap with M-TV. With the nudity and all. What is this crap? Sinbad O’Connor.

Sinead O’Connor: Well, I think it’s bloody awful. But it’s typical of entertainment in a male-dominated society.

Frank Sinatra: Boo-hoo! You had me, and then you lost me! Billy Idol.

Billy Idol: I think it’s great.

Frank Sinatra: Shut up! Luther Campbell.

Luther Campbell: Well, that’s my bread and butter, man.

Frank Sinatra: Once more around, pal. Sounds like pops and buzzes from here.

Luther Campbell: I said, that’s my bread and butter, man.
Frank Sinatra: No, you’re wrong, schoolboy. You don’t need to work blue! You’ll never play the big rooms with that crap. Ask Redd Foxx. You don’t need the blue stuff, kid, you got talent!

Luther Campbell: But I don’t have talent.

Frank Sinatra: You’ve got it, kid. You listen to me – you’ve got a Ben Vereen quality, I can’t put my finger on it. Take the high road, baby!

Luther Campbell: I swear, man, I don’t have any talent. None! This is all I got. [ to Billy Idol ] Tell him, man.

Billy Idol: Yeah, he sucks!

Sinead O’Connor: He’s not talented.

Frank Sinatra: No, Bob Goulet – that’s not talented! You got talent! You got a Dionne Warwick/Falana kind of thing going. Steve and Eydie?

Eydie Gorme: Oh, you’re right, Frank.

Steve Lawrence: Absolutely. He’s great!

Frank Sinatra: Of course he is, you brownnoses. Look at you, you’re just swimming in my wake. Issue number three: [ points to Sinead ] This bald chick – what’s with her head? Let’s start with the chick. What gives, cue ball? I’m looking at you, I’m thinking: fourteen in the side pocket!

Sinead O’Connor: I can’t believe you’re talking about my hair with all the bloody starvation and suffering in the world right now.

Frank Sinatra: Come on! Swing, baby, you’re platinum! Billy Idol.

Billy Idol: I think she’s really quite attractive.

Frank Sinatra: Check out his papers. Luther Campbell!

Billy Idol: You watch it, mate!

Frank Sinatra: Easy, baby! And what’s with the sneering crap? [ Billy sneers ] Don’t do that to the people, they want to like you! That’s what killed Dennis day – contempt for the audience. Luther Campbell! What about the chick’s head?

Luther Campbell: Be honest, I don’t care about the head. I like the butt.

Frank Sinatra: I hear you, baby. Forget the head. Put a bag over it and do your business! Am I right, Steve and Eydie?

Steve Lawrence: [ slow to answer ] You bet, Frank!

Eydie Gorme: You know it, Chairman!

Frank Sinatra: You were a little slow that time.

Steve and Eydie: Sorry, Frank.

Frank Sinatra: Forget it, you’re alright. You could pick up a check once in a while..

Eydie Gorme: Frank, that’s not fair.

Frank Sinatra: Shut up! Okay, issue number four: Milli Vanilli. What is this faggot crap? Uncle Fester!

Sinead O’Connor: I don’t understand the question.

Frank Sinatra: I’ll tell you what you better understand! Next time you see Old Glory riding up that pole, you better sing that anthem, darling! You’re lucky you’re a chick, or you’d be nothing but a stain on the road and a crewcut. Our founding fathers went to the mat for you, baby!

Sinead O’Connor: It’s not my flag – I’m Irish.

Frank Sinatra: Oh? Well, then stay off of this stuff.. [ mimes drinking ] That’s the curse of you people. Billy Idol!

Billy Idol: I forgot the bloody question.

Frank Sinatra: I’ll tell you the question – What the hell’s with this Devil stuff? The whole black mass, and the whole six-six-six, coffins thing? Don’t think the Big Man ain’t keeping score, baby! He put you in the penthouse, and He can kick you back down to the gutter with these two! [ points to Steve & Eydie ]

Steve and Eydie: Hey! Geez!

Frank Sinatra: Shut up, you wastes of space! Just be glad you get to hang with me!

Steve Lawrence: You’re right, Frank.

Eydie Gorme: Sorry.

Frank Sinatra: It’s your choice. You can open for me at the Meadowlands, or you can headline at the Tick Tock Inn. Okay, Luther!

Luther Campbell: I think Milli Vanilli got what htey deserved.

Frank Sinatra: Can’t understand a word. Next issue – Rita Hayworth or Ava Gardner, who would you rather nail? I disqualify myself, because I’ve done them both.

Billy Idol: I think you’re a bloody, stupid old fart!

Frank Sinatra: You’re all talk, blondie! You want a piece of me? I’m right here!

Billy Idol: Don’t provoke me, old man.

Frank Sinatra: You don’t scare me. I’ve got chunks of guys like you in my stool!

Billy Idol: Alright, I’ll rip your bloody head off.

Frank Sinatra: Steve, go kick his ass.

Steve Lawrence: [ confused ] What?

Frank Sinatra: You heard me!

Eydie Gorme: Do it, Steve!

Steve Lawrence: Huh? Well.. okay.. [ stands over Billy ]

Billy Idol: You got it. [ punches Steve in the gut, knocking him to the floor ]

Frank Sinatra: Next week, the Grammy Awards. Where the hell is Vicki Carr’s album? Bye bye. [ overlooking the fight ] Keep the hands up, Steve..

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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