Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 16: Episode 12
The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton
[ open on interior, family library, as members of the Sarcastic Clapping Family enter and sit ]
Jeffrey: Now that we’re all here, I’d just like to say one thing: I know that some of you would like to challenge Father’s will! After all, Meg and I did to rather well.. and maybe Blake and Cosima think that’s unfair! Of course, I certainly respect your right to do whatever you feel you have to do – but! For God’s sakes.. before we start getting lawyers in here, and fighting each other like greedy rats! Let’s remember one thing: we’re a family, dammit! A family!! Because there’s a lot more at stake here than mere dollars and cents! There’s the memory of a man we all loved. The man we called.. “Father”.[ Cosima claps sarcastically ]
Cosima: Quite a performance, Jeffrey. Oh.. quite a performance, indeed. Considering the fact that you.. hated Father! No, no, no – don’t act so shocked, Jeffrey. We all know that you were just waiting for Father to die, so you could get oyur filthy hands on all his money..!! [ sobs ] [ Colin claps sarcastically ]
Colin: Nice speech, Cosima. Very nice. Considering you hadn’t seen Father in almost two years![ Blake claps sarcastically ]
Blake: Nice cutting observation, Colin.
Meg: Nice sentence, Blake.[ Chris claps sarcastically ]
Chris: Nice clapping, Meg![ Jeffrey claps sarcastically ]
Jeffrey: Nice.[ they all clap sarcastically ] [ dissolve to title card ]
Announcer: And now, a scene from the next episode of.. “The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton”.[ dissolve to Blake and Cosima sitting around their proud Little Girl ]
Little Girl: Mommy! Daddy! Look at my picture![ Blake and Cosima clap sarcastically ] [ dissolve to title card ]
Announcer: Next week, on.. “The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton”.