The President’s Second Post-Gulf War Address

The President’s Second Post-Gulf War Address

President George Bush…..Dana Carvey
Speaker Foely…..Phil Hartman
Dan Quayle…..Michael J. Fox

Announcer: The Doorkeeper to the House will now introduce the President. [ introduction is made, as stock footage of President Bush entering plays ] The President has entered the House Chamber.. this will be his second address to a Joint session since the successful conclusion of Operation Desert Storm. The first speech went so well – some 20 standing ovations – that is was decided that a second speech could provide yet antoher morale boost to a nation in the midst of a recession. We have read a transcript of tonight’s address, and the President will refer to Operation Desert Storm many, many times. [ cut to Vice-President Quayle and Speaker Foley on stage ] Uh.. there is Vice-President Quayle and Speaker Foley, and.. uh.. there is the President, greeting them. I asked the Vice-President earlier if he’d heard rumors that he might be dropped from the ticket in ’92 for General Colin Powell, and the Vice-President said that he had not. And now, the Speaker will address.

Speaker Foley: Members of Congress, distinguished guests, the President of the United States.

[ standing ovation ]

President George Bush: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. [ applause dies down ] Operation.. Desert.. Storm!

[ standing ovation, including Quayle and Foley behind Bush ]

Three words that symbolize all that is great about America!

[ second standing ovation ]

And all that is great about our young Americans!

[ third standing ovation ]

You know, not so long ago, there were some who claimed that our country had lost its way.

[ Quayle inadvertently stands up to applaud, realizes his error, then sits ]

Well, my answer to them is Operation Desert Storm!

[ fourth standing ovation ]

Now, Operation Desert Storm..

[ hearing the cue, Quayle stands up to applaud, once again the only person standing ]

..has not solved all of America’s problems..

[ Quayle sits ]

But, surely, the nation that can mount an Operation Desert Storm..[ hearing the cue again, Quayle mistakenly stands to applaud, hesitant to sit back down ]

..that nation can solve any problem!

[ Quayle sits, as everyone in the House stands to applaud; as everyone sits, Quayle stands up to become the only one applauding; Bush turns around to give a curious look, as Speaker Foley gives Quayle the evil eye to sit down ]

That is the real lesson of Operation Desert Storm.

[ applause, but Speaker Foly signals Quayle not to stand ]

That the American people will never back down from tyranny.

[ Speaker Foley cues Quayle to stand and applaud with everyone else in the House ]

Now, there are those who say that Operation Desert Storm..

[ Speaker Foley extends his arm to hold down Quayle so he won’t stand to applaud ] a triumph for George Bush.

[ Speaker Foley okays Quayle to stand and applaud with the House ]

No, no, no, no! But if Operation Desert Storm was a success, it’s really due to the efforts of men like General Norman Schwartzkoff..

[ applause, no standing ]

..Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney..

[ applause, no standing ]

Secretary of State Jim Baker..

[ applause, no standing ] Vice-President Dan Quayle..

[ no applause ]

..and most of all, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Colin Powell!

[ Speaker Foley signals Quayle to join the standing ovation of Powell ]

Vice-President Quayle: Bravo! Whoo-hoo! Bravo!

[ everyone ceases applauding and sits down again ]

President George Bush: Well, who knows, you know? Maybe, not so long from now, Colin will be standing right here, the first black American to grace a major party ticket, and the first black president of the United States of America!

[ Quayle stands to applaud, as does everyone else in the House, surprising Speaker Foley ]

Vice-President Quayle: Pow-ell! Pow-ell! Pow-ell! Pow-ell!

[ the House ceases its applause, but this doesn’t faze Quayle ]

Vice-President Quayle: Pow-ell! Pow-ell! Pow-ell! Pow-ell! Pow-ell! Pow-..

[ stops, as President Bush gives him a strange look ]

President George Bush: Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Niiiiiighttt!

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