Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 16: Episode 15
Central High Class Reunion
Ronnie Stilson…..Michael J. Fox
Nick DeCaesar…..Kevin Nealon
Cindy Plank…..Victoria Jackson
Brian Grady…..Dana Carvey
Band Member…..Adam Sandler
[Song plays Celebrate Good Times, sign reads We Welcome Central High Class of 1981 to the Blue Room- 8 PM]
Ronnie: I cant believe how much everybodys changed.
Mike: Oh man, a 10 year reunion already, wow that went fast, you know. Hey I better go find my wife, ok? Look, stop by ok?
Ronnie: I will.
Mike: Great, see ya later.
Nick: Yo Ronnie Stilson, how ya been?
Ronnie: Hey . Nicky, Nicky!
Nick: Yeah, how ya doin? You lookin good, you alright?
Ronnie: How you doin, you alright?
Nick: Im doin good, yeah yeah, you doin alright?
Ronnie: Im alright.
Nick: Come here you goobma, you ok?
Ronnie: Yeah Im great.
Nick: Yeah of course youre great.
Ronnie: Its weird you know, Im seein everybody how much theyve changed.
Nick: Yeah yea I know. Forget about them, how are YOU doin?
Ronnie: Me, Im good, thank you.Nick: Listen to this guy, Im good, of course youre good, and you were good to me too, remember in high school, I had a little thing for that chick, Anita Simon, and she wouldnt give me the time of day, and you told me, forget about her. You said there were plenty of fish out there, remember?
Ronnie: Yeah yeah.
Nick: How you doin, you lookin good, lookin good, you workin?
Ronnie: Yeah Im workin over at Sakorski Aircraft.
Nick: Oh yeah sure, sure. You like it over there?
Ronnie: Work is work, you know. Actually I got a little run in with my foreman today.
Nick: Woah woah woah! You got a little run in with your foreman?
Ronnie: Yeah it was no big deal.
Nick: And what is this foremans name?
Ronnie: What, my foreman?
Nick: Yeah what is his name?
Ronnie: Dan, Dan Damurski.
Nick: Ok thats all I need to know, Ill take care of it.
Ronnie: Wait a minute, what do you mean youll take care of it?
Nick: I will take care of it, thats all you need to know, end of discussion, alright? Ronnie, lookin good! I see by your ring that youre married, are you happy?
Ronnie: Uh actually to be honest with ya, Im going through a divorce right now.
Nick: Holy jeez, not you.
Ronnie: Yeah its gettin pretty messy too, our lawyer is taking me to the cleaners.
Nick: Uh huh, I see, and what is the name of this lawyer? I may know him.
Ronnie: Well I believe his name is Sam Frick.
Ronnie: Frick, Sam Frick.
Nick: Sam Frick, ok thats all I need to know, Ill take care of it.
Ronnie: Wait no no no, Nick.
Nick: No Ill take care of it, consider it done. Look I dont know you, you dont know me, we never spoke, alright? End of story! Alright! Lookin good Cindy! Cindy Plwank!
Cindy: Hi Nick the Scissor!
Nick: How ya doin? You lookin good, lookin good.
Cindy: Thank you.
Nick: I hear youre a mother now, huh? That must be something right?
Cindy: Oh, dont let anyone tell you its easy.
Nick: Why, whats the problem? Talk to me.
Cindy: Well my oldest child Eric had to stay after school today, and he felt really hurt about it.
Nick: Woah woah woah, let me understand this. One of the teachers kept your child after school?
Nick: Uh huh, and what might be the name of this individual who did this to your child?
[Ronnie motioning with his hand to Cindy behind Nickys back, trying to get her to stop talking to Nicky]
Cindy: The name?
Cindy: Ms. Flanders.
Nick: Ms. Flanders, thats all I need to know, Ill take care of it, alright? Ill take care of it, listen to me, consider it done alright? I dont know you, you dont know me, we never spoke, I never saw you in my life.
Brian: Hey Ronnie! Long time no see, how ya doin?
Ronnie: Good, good.
Nick: Brian Grady! Yo, give me a hug, come here you! [Nicky gives hug, while Brian is confused, reluctant to hug] How you been? You look good!
Brian: Nick Ok so Ronnie its good to see ya, you still a big Mets fan?
Ronnie: No not really, not since Daryl Strawberry went to the Dodgers.
Brian: Yeah yeah.
Nick: Woah, who let you down?
Brian: Daryl Strawberry let us both down.
Nick: Alright thats all I need to know.
Brian: Whats that?
Nick: This guy, Daryl Strawberry, he let you both down, thats all I need to know, Ill take care of it, alright? Say no more.
Brian: Relax, relax.
Nick: I am relaxed, believe me I am very relaxed.
Brian: So listen Ronnie, Patti tells me you almost won the Twilight League Bowling Tournament, but your partner blew it or something?
Ronnie: No! [motioning with hand, signaling to Brian to drop the subject]
Nick: Whats that? Somebody blew something for somebody, whos this?
Brian: Oh, well Ronnies bowling partner blew the tournament for him.
Nick: Oh, uh huh.
Brian: Oh my God, Mr. Jeffers, gotta go. See ya later.
Nick: Ronnie, Ronnie come here, now tell me Ronnie who is this bowling partner of your that couldnt carry his share of the weight?
Ronnie: It was nobody really, doesnt even bother me.
Nick: No Im just curious, who was it? I just wanna make sure you never bowl with him.
Ronnie: I dont even remember his name.
Nick: Come on, tell me about this character, whatd he look like?
Ronnie: Well nobody, I dont know, ok. He looked like a heavier, older version of Treat Williams.
Nick: Treat Williams, ok thats all I need to know, I will take care of him, alright? Everything else good?
Ronnie: Great, great no complaints.
Nick: Youd tell me if everything wasnt great, correct? [adjusts Ronnies collar]
Nick: Alright, you take care of yourself. [Slaps Ronnies cheeks, walks into ballroom]
Singer: [singing lyrics to slow dance song, playing guitar] You make a fine line, right there, Luciiiiillllle! Alright, thank you.
Nick: Pal, you got a second?
Nick: Listen, I really appreciate you entertaining all my friends like this.
Singer: Oh no problem.
Nick: No Im serious, I appreciate it. Now what is this about this chick that left you high and dry?
Singer: What do you mean?
Nick: You know, the chick that left you with the crops in the field, and the children.
Singer: Oh the song Lucille?
Nick: Yeah Lucille, whod she leave you for?
Singer: Its just a song.
Nick: No no no I heard it, she left you, you had some bad times and some sad times?
Singer: Oh my friend, thats just a song by Kenny Rogers, Lucille its called.
Nick: Uh huh, and this Kenny Rogers is the putz who ran off with your old lady leaving you with the crops in the field?
Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg