Michael J. Fox’s Monologue
…..Michael J. Fox
Michael After The Show…..Dana Carvey
Michael A Week Earlier…..David Spade
[ rear doors open, as Doc Brown and Michael After The Show rush in ]
Michael J. Fox: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Listen, we’ve got a great show tonight, the Black Crowes are here! You know, they’ve been after me to host the show for a long time now.. and now that I’ve finally agreed to do it, it’s really great to be here. I guess, I’m kind of on top of the world, you know? I’ve got this new movie out, it’s called “The Hard Way”, it’s pretty good.. I mean, I don’t want to sound immodest, or anything.. but it’s really raking it in, you know? I don’t know.. I guess you could say it’s making so much money, it would be hard to weigh it! [ laughs ] You know? Hard to weigh? Hard.. weigh-eigh-eigh..
Doc: Michael! Michael! Don’t do it!
Michael J. Fox: Wait a minute.. wait a minute.. Doc, what are you donig here!
Doc: Michael, you can’t do the show! Michael, come here – tell him!
Michael After The Show: Michael, we came to stop you, man..
Michael J. Fox: Wait a minute! Who the hell are you!
Michael After The Show: I’m you! I’m Michael J. Fox! I just came from 90 minutes in the future! The show’s a complete dud!
Michael J. Fox: Wait a minute.. whoa, whoa, whoa.. what do you mean? What do you mean? It’s gonna be a great show!
Michael After The Show: Michael, did you hear that last joke? It bombed!
Michael J. Fox: Alright, okay, alright.. but how about my next joke?
Doc: Oh, that bombs, too!
Michael J. Fox: No, no, no, it’s great!
Doc: Well, try it!
Michael J. Fox: Alright. Okay, here goes.. I’m also excited, because tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day.. and maybe, instead of saying “Top o’ the morning to ya”, I can say something like, “Top o’ the evening to ya!”
Doc: [ sullen ] And that’s the best joke you’ve got!
Michael J. Fox: [ sighs ] Doc, Doc, Doc.. you gotta help me!
Doc: Come on, Michael! There’s no time to lose!
Michael J. Fox: Where are we going?
Doc: We’ve gotta go back! Alright? We’ve gotta go back and stop you before you host the show! Come on![ the three of them run off the stage ] [ dissolve to DeLorean flying away from outside 30 Rock, then reappearing there a week earlier ] [ cut to Lorne Michaels’ office ]
Michael A Week Earlier: Lorne, look.. I don’t want to cause any trouble.. but that “Top o the Evening” joke, I mean.. is that funny?
Lorne Michaels: [ laughing ] Michael, we’ve been doing this for 16 years![ Doc and the two Michaels run into the office ]
Michael A Week Earlier: Hey, Doc! What’s going on here, Doc?
Doc: We got here just in time! you can still back out!
Lorne Michaels: Who are you people?
Michael J. Fox: I’m.. I’m Michael.. six days from now..
Michael After The Show: Yeah.. and I’m Michael after he does the show – he bombed!
Michael A Week Earlier: [ worried ] Hey, hey, what’s this? I bombed..?
Michael After The Show: Yeah, bad. Look how it ages you!
Michael A Week Earlier: Oh, ho, geez.. wait.. wait a minute, uh.. I gotta get out of here..!
Lorne Michaels: Wait. Look, I don’t care which of you does the show, but if you back out, I don’t know what I’m gonna do with this gigantic bag of money. [ pulls gigantic bag of money onto desk ]
Michaels: [ swaying ] Whoa-oa-oa-oa..
Lorne Michaels: It’s more than you got for that Diet Pepsi ad.
Michael J. Fox: Alright.. never mind! Let’s roll! Let’s roll! Let’s roll!
Michaels: We’ve got a great show! Black Crowes are here, so stick around, we’ll be right back!