Michael J. Fox’s Monologue


Michael J. Fox’s Monologue

…..Michael J. Fox
Doc…..Kevin Nealon
Michael After The Show…..Dana Carvey
…..Lorne Michaels
Michael A Week Earlier…..David Spade

Michael J. Fox: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Listen, we’ve got a great show tonight, the Black Crowes are here! You know, they’ve been after me to host the show for a long time now.. and now that I’ve finally agreed to do it, it’s really great to be here. I guess, I’m kind of on top of the world, you know? I’ve got this new movie out, it’s called “The Hard Way”, it’s pretty good.. I mean, I don’t want to sound immodest, or anything.. but it’s really raking it in, you know? I don’t know.. I guess you could say it’s making so much money, it would be hard to weigh it! [ laughs ] You know? Hard to weigh? Hard.. weigh-eigh-eigh..

[ rear doors open, as Doc Brown and Michael After The Show rush in ]

Doc: Michael! Michael! Don’t do it!

Michael J. Fox: Wait a minute.. wait a minute.. Doc, what are you donig here!

Doc: Michael, you can’t do the show! Michael, come here – tell him!

Michael After The Show: Michael, we came to stop you, man..

Michael J. Fox: Wait a minute! Who the hell are you!

Michael After The Show: I’m you! I’m Michael J. Fox! I just came from 90 minutes in the future! The show’s a complete dud!

Michael J. Fox: Wait a minute.. whoa, whoa, whoa.. what do you mean? What do you mean? It’s gonna be a great show!

Michael After The Show: Michael, did you hear that last joke? It bombed!

Michael J. Fox: Alright, okay, alright.. but how about my next joke?

Doc: Oh, that bombs, too!

Michael J. Fox: No, no, no, it’s great!

Doc: Well, try it!

Michael J. Fox: Alright. Okay, here goes.. I’m also excited, because tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day.. and maybe, instead of saying “Top o’ the morning to ya”, I can say something like, “Top o’ the evening to ya!”

Doc: [ sullen ] And that’s the best joke you’ve got!

Michael J. Fox: [ sighs ] Doc, Doc, Doc.. you gotta help me!

Doc: Come on, Michael! There’s no time to lose!

Michael J. Fox: Where are we going?

Doc: We’ve gotta go back! Alright? We’ve gotta go back and stop you before you host the show! Come on!

[ the three of them run off the stage ] [ dissolve to DeLorean flying away from outside 30 Rock, then reappearing there a week earlier ] [ cut to Lorne Michaels’ office ]

Michael A Week Earlier: Lorne, look.. I don’t want to cause any trouble.. but that “Top o the Evening” joke, I mean.. is that funny?

Lorne Michaels: [ laughing ] Michael, we’ve been doing this for 16 years!

[ Doc and the two Michaels run into the office ]

Michael A Week Earlier: Hey, Doc! What’s going on here, Doc?

Doc: We got here just in time! you can still back out!

Lorne Michaels: Who are you people?

Michael J. Fox: I’m.. I’m Michael.. six days from now..

Michael After The Show: Yeah.. and I’m Michael after he does the show – he bombed!

Michael A Week Earlier: [ worried ] Hey, hey, what’s this? I bombed..?

Michael After The Show: Yeah, bad. Look how it ages you!

Michael A Week Earlier: Oh, ho, geez.. wait.. wait a minute, uh.. I gotta get out of here..!

Lorne Michaels: Wait. Look, I don’t care which of you does the show, but if you back out, I don’t know what I’m gonna do with this gigantic bag of money. [ pulls gigantic bag of money onto desk ]

Michaels: [ swaying ] Whoa-oa-oa-oa..

Lorne Michaels: It’s more than you got for that Diet Pepsi ad.

Michael J. Fox: Alright.. never mind! Let’s roll! Let’s roll! Let’s roll!

[ Doc and the three Michaels run out of Lorne’s office ] [ dissolve to DeLorean flying away from outside 30 Rock, then reappearing back in the present ] [ dissolve to the three Michaels back on stage ]

Michaels: We’ve got a great show! Black Crowes are here, so stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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