Frank & Nancy


Frank & Nancy

Nancy Reagan…..Jan Hooks
Aide…..Kevin Nealon
Frank Sinatra…..Phil Hartman
Ronald Reagan…..Phil Hartman

Announcer: [ over SUPER ] “The following segment is a dramatization based on rumor and innuendo that are a lot of fun to think about.”

[ open on exterior, White House ] [ dissolve to interior White House, October 12th, 1987, Nancy Reagan’s bedroom ]

Aide: [ enters bedroom ] The President’s almost for his speech, Mr. Reagan. Will you be going downstairs?

Nancy Reagan: Uh.. in a.. in a few minutes. Thank you.

Aide: Great. [ Chinese Delivery Boy enters ] Excuse me.

Frank Sinatra: [ in disguise ] Chinee Food Derivery.

Nancy Reagan: That’s okay! I ordered it!

Aide: Very well.

Frank Sinatra: [ quickly removes his disguise ] Let’s swing, baby! [ they start making out ]

Nancy Reagan: Oh, you’re good! Hey, where’d you get the costume?

Frank Sinatra: It’s the Real McCoy, baby! I got it off a delivery boy.

Nancy Reagan: Really? And what’s he wearing?

Frank Sinatra: Wings! [ laughs ] And, look – I got some Mooshu Pork out of it. I figured, after we shtup, we can have some Chink food!

Nancy Reagan: You think of everything! [ they make out some more ]

[ a knock at the door – Nancy gasps, as Frank hides ]

Aide: [ enters ] Sorry, Mrs. Reagan, but we’re about to start.

Nancy Reagan: That’s okay. I’ll be fine up here.

Aide: Alrigt, Ma’am.. good enough. [ notices Frank standing stiff ]

Frank Sinatra: Move on, buddy, I’m a coat rack!

[ Aide exits ]

Nancy Reagan: Oh, Frank, you were wonderful!

Frank Sinatra: You’re playing with an old pro, baby. I’ve made it with every First Lady since Elenour Roosevelt!

Nancy Reagan: Oh, no, Frank.. Frank, I don’t want to hear it..

Frank Sinatra: You know, I once did Pat Nixon in an airplane john.

Nancy Reagan: Ohh.. tell me I’m the best, Frank! Tell me I’m the best!

Frank Sinatra: You got the best rack. But a guy could eat off Bess Truman’s ass.

Nancy Reagan: [ inches towards the bed ] Come here, greaseball.. and make me pay!

Frank Sinatra: You can count on it!

[ they start to make out, but Nancy turns on the TV to hear Ronald’s speech ]

Ronald Reagan: [ on TV ] Good evening, my fellow Americans..

Nancy Reagan: Oh, good.. he’s started his speech. I love to watch him on TV – it gets me so hot! It’s like he’s watching me!

Frank Sinatra: I like it, too!

Ronald Reagan: “..great success. Our recent sale of arms to our friends the Iraqis will provide a boost to the economy, as well as protecting our interests abroad. Furthermore, I’ve spoken with the Savings & Loan officials, and I’m convinced that these fellows don’t need government regulations getting in the way of Free Enterprise. Now, before I go into my plan to help the Contras, I’d like to tell you about the man I’ve chosen to skipper a very important oil tanker – Captain Jospeh Hazelwood..”

Nancy Reagan: Oh, yes!!

Frank Sinatra: Start spreadin’ the news!

Nancy Reagan: O-o-o-ohhhhh!! Bring it home, baby!!

Ronald Reagan: ..”in my six years in this office..” [ plasters of the ceiling fall onto him, as he looks up curiously ] That’s just Frank and Nancy going at it. Where was I? Oh, yes.. “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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